Sweet boy, one day I will have to explain that “daddy” isn’t the man who helped create you. I’ll have to explain that although he is the only dad you’ve ever known, he doesn’t share your genetic makeup. It’s a conversation I dread. It is uncharted territory. I feel unequipped. I’m not even sure the facts of how you were created matter in the grand scheme of things. You see, you have a dad that was designed just for you. He’s a dad you deserve. He’s a dad that CHOSE you. He’s a dad who met you and knew he had to do everything in his power to call you his own. A dad who gave you his last name and all the dedication in his heart and soul.
But one day I’ll have to explain the logistics of it all. I’ll have to explain that I married someone that wasn’t what I thought. A man that needed more than I could give him. I’ll have to explain that he vanished. He walked away. He disappeared into a world we refused to be apart of. Since then, we’ve never seen him or spoken to him. But he exists, and he was part of the journey, so he must be explained. You deserve to know the story.
I wish I didn’t have to tell you this story. It will fill your mind with thoughts of someone in your life not being there for you, not loving you, not supporting you. Up until this point, you’ve never had to experience those feelings. I’d do anything to ensure that you don’t have to. So how do I explain that by one man walking away, it left the door open for the biggest blessing to walk into our lives? A man who is better than any other man we’ve ever met.
How do I shield you from the pain of your past? A pain you’ll never know unless I explain it to you. How do I shield you from a situation that had nothing to do with you? How do I ensure that you never feel an ounce of pain because of something you had no control over? How do I fill you up with so much love that you don’t notice the logistics of your genetic makeup?
All I can do is pray that the moments in your little life have filled your heart with so much love and happiness that it can’t be torn apart by the composition of your DNA. You don’t share genes with your dad, but you’ve shared your heart, your laughs, your moments, your milestones and your life. That means more than any genetic match. Always remember that.
I’m going to tell you the story one day because you should know the beautiful path that led us to where we are. You should know that while our journey isn’t typical or standard, it’s imperfectly perfect and created a family so rich in love that I couldn’t imagine it any different. One day I will tell you the story of you, but for now, for a little longer, I will keep this secret.
For now, I will let you be little. One day I’ll explain it all. When that day comes, I hope you see beauty and not pain. I hope you look over at your superhero dad and decide that how you were made doesn’t matter because you have a one-of-a-kind dad that was designed just for you.
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.