Did She Know?

August 16, 2019

She’s gone. You ache for her but you will no longer be blessed by her presence. She’s dead and a piece of you is dead too. She slipped away quickly. She slipped away before you could get all of her insight, her knowledge, her memories, her expertise. She slipped away before you could tell her everything. 

She died with things left unsaid, because let’s face it, there is always more to be said. Always more hugs to be given. Always more memories to make. Always more left to say, to know, to wonder.

In her absence I find myself yearning for answers to the questions that pierce my heart and soul. Sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes while in line at the store, sometimes while driving down the road, these questions pop up and remind me of the harsh reality of her death. She isn’t here. She can’t answer. I won’t know. 

But it doesn’t stop me from asking…

Did she know that her smile could light up a room? That I would still remember it like I saw it yesterday. That when an image of her pops in my head, her best accessory is always her smile.

Did she know that her influence is endless? That we would listen to her with intentionality now that she is gone and honor her in every way possible. 

Did she know that she was loved? Truly loved. A love so deep, so pure, so effortless, that it occupies a part of our heart and soul that no other love will ever replace.

Did she know how many people admired her, looked up to her, and would miss her when she was gone? Did she know the amount of people that saw her as an inspiration?

Did she know how much she changed our lives? Did she know that even from the grave she’d be pushing us to be the best version of ourselves? That even from the grave she’d be inspiring us and motivating us to live our best lives?

Did she know that she was more than a mother? That she was the best teacher, friend, counselor, nurse, and so many others. Did she know the many roles that she played in our life? Did she know how many empty spaces she would leave behind?

Did she know that she was my hero, my person, my everything? 

Did she know all that she was? Did she know all that she was loved for? Did she know her greatness, her never-ending legacy, her joy?

Did she know that she can’t be replaced? That she can’t be forgotten? That she is missed so fiercely it changes the composition of our heart?

If not, I’m telling her now. Wherever she is. Whatever her view. I say,

Mom, you are loved and missed more powerful than words can describe. You were everything and remain everything. Your smile, your laugh, your touch and your life, are irreplaceable. You are the holder of a piece of our hearts. You are the keeper of a spot in our soul. Your absence hasn’t changed your importance, it’s solidified it. You are and have always been our everything. 

xox, Chels

The way we will always remember her…with a smile. xox
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9 comments so far.

9 responses to “Did She Know?”

  1. Karese says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. My mother passed away last year unexpectedly at the age of 54. These are thoughts I wonder on a daily basis. It is nice to know I am not alone in my thinking. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a grief I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. ❤️

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for being here and reading my work! It means more than you know that you took the time to write such a kind comment. I hate that we share this loss and heartbreak but I am comforted knowing my story and my words resonated with you! I started writing for this very reason. In hopes that my story and my words would help someone else, while also helping me heal and get the story out of my heart and into the world. <3 Thank you for visiting my page! I hope you'll keep coming back. <3, Chels

  2. Susan Dumont says:

    Thank you for sharing this

  3. Brenda Gilman says:

    Another Indiana girl! This brought tears to my eyes. Everything you said resonated within me, having been without my mom since 1982. I wish she could have known that the ripple effect of her decision would reach across time, causing pain to the beautiful grandsons she never got to meet. Maybe she’d still be here for us all…

    Thank you so much for sharing!!!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading my work and taking the time to tell your story! I appreciate you being here and hope you’ll keep coming back! <3, Chels

  4. Elaine B says:

    It has been 21 years since my Mama passed away and your words struck such a chord with me. She knew without a doubt I loved her but I sure wish I could say it to her again just as you said it here.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for reading the work that flows from my heart! I appreciate it more than you know! <3, Chels

  5. Susan says:

    Another Indiana Gal here as well ~ I am going thru my Grief Journey as well with the loss of my Mother in 2018 from Cancer. Your articles help me to see that I am not the only one and that no matter how long its been you will have days that the grief still tries to take over and that is ok ~ The loss of a Mother does change you forever……… Praying , Hoping and Healing one day at a time <3

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Hello! Thank you so much for reading the work that flows from my heart, and for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. I hate that we share this heartbreak but am honored that you are resonating with my words and stories and hopefully finding comfort in them. I hope you’ll keep coming back and find new inspiration and heart, each and every time! <3, Chels Oh, and GO HOOSIERS!!! 🙂

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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