You hurt like you’ve never hurt before. You want to scream. You want to run. You want to speak to God directly and demand answers. Your mind repeats “Why?” a million times. You never get an answer.
For a moment, you’re breathless. You cry. You panic. You beg, you plead. You demand for it all to be a mistake, a dream. You sit there, paralyzed with pain, with fear, with confusion.
They’re gone. Taken from you. No longer here. You are immediately different.
Instantly, you are broken into pieces that you will never get back. Pieces that are so shattered, you couldn’t possibly find them all if you tried.
You look at everyone around you, hurting too. You’re speechless. You’re terrified. You’re angry. You’re heartbroken.
You wonder how this is possible. You wonder why this is your reality. In a matter of seconds your world has drastically changed. Your mind becomes a jumbled mess of things you wish you would have said and things you wish you would have done. Suddenly you question everything, each memory, each moment.
Your life has changed forever. You just lost one of the most important people in your life. The world is a little less joyful and a little less blessed. A huge chunk of your heart has been removed, without your consent. Your soul has just been ripped open, raw and exposed.
You are different now, and will remain different. This loss will never make sense. The “why?” will never be answered. You will love differently and live differently.
I tell you these things because I’ve been there. I’ve felt your pain and know your heartbreak. The relief is in the rising. You see, I’m further on my path, so I can see beyond the raw and bleeding ache and pain. I can see through the shock and destruction.
I can see the beauty in the remembrance, and the honor in the memories. One day, you will too.
Today you are consumed with devastation and despair. Eventually, miles and miles down the road of grief, you’ll start to feel less broken by loss, and more beautifully blessed by a special love.
Today it’s too new, too fresh, too unbelievable. But as someone once told me, “As each day unfolds, you’ll see less of the shadows and more of the sun.”
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.