She was a light. Not the kind that lit up a room, as the cliche goes. She was more like a flashlight. The sort of light that leaves its holder in darkness while shining brightly and intentionally for others. That was her.  Fun. Spunky. Beautiful. Outwardly radiating light as reflective as the sun while standing, like a shadow, in the darkness– a darkness only she…

I will not cry. I will not cry. These are the words I repeat to myself as I sit in the corner booth of my favorite coffee shop. This is typically my safe space, the place I retreat to work and write and think. Today, I happened to sit next to a mother-daughter duo engulfed in planning a wedding. It’s beautiful to witness, but also…

It’s my birthday and as I sit at your grave, staring at the beautiful picture of you etched into your headstone, I can’t remember exactly how many birthdays I’ve spent without you. The first one felt surreal, the second felt harsh and paralyzing, and then the 3rd and 4th and those that followed stung in new ways that I couldn’t have predicted. This one, as…

I want to scream but my breath and energy have escaped. I cannot believe I am here again, knocked to the floor kneeling from the consequences of grief. I thought I had this all figured out. I thought I knew all of the triggers and the way it seemed unpredictable but also like it formed a pattern I could control.  I was wrong.  Grief simply…

I lock the car and head into the gym where my daughter is finishing up winter softball training. I’ve got tired eyes and a slow and steady pace, grateful for an unseasonably warm winter day. It’s been a challenging week– the kind that’s been filled with the fog of grief. The kind of week that has highlighted my mother’s absence. I’m a little overwhelmed and…