I miss the me I was when you were here and I wonder what you’d think of the woman I’ve become. I miss the carefree pieces of life back when I didn’t know loss and certainly never had to comprehend loss. I miss feeling whole and the way life felt before grief and fear. I miss being able to call you and hug you and…

The nightmares have come back. Each night this week she’s dying over and over again and I can’t save her. In most of them I can’t even get to her. She’s out of reach and running out of time. I do everything in my power to change things but I can’t. I wake up only to fall back asleep and have the torture continue right…

I sit in the corner booth sipping my coffee, lost in thoughts of my endless to-do list. I hear a phone ring which brings me back to reality and this moment. The young girl next to me answers charismatically with a “Hi Mom!” and with those simple words I’m gutted. With those two words I’m no longer alone in this booth, for now grief is…

The car is parked and I’m crying, emotional to the sight before me. I’m sitting inside a still car, one that sits in front of a house that used to be ours. A house that holds decades of memories and decades of love. A house that was more than a house, it was a home. It was my mother’s home, which made it all of…

Hold onto me here, exactly where I am at this very moment. Hold on to me, tightly, unafraid of the pain I hold, welcoming of my grief and my ache.  Hold me here, as I kneel at this grave, staring at a headstone I wish never existed. Staring at a space, covered in dirt and sprinkled with my tears. I visit this place because it…