A Grief She’s Afraid to Express

May 24, 2021

She walks around with a grief she’s afraid to express. Unsure of how the world around her will deal with her sadness and longing, she holds it in tightly, scared to let it show.

She carries a constant grief she’s afraid to express because pain and loss are uncomfortable. She knows this truth, which is why she hides grief’s influence and destruction. 

She pretends well. She pretends often. Protecting the people she encounters over protecting her new life and path. She’s the epitome of compassion and protection. She will hide her mourning if it means others won’t be negatively impacted by it. 

She hides proficiently. She hides often. Only truly releasing her pain and confusion when she’s alone and free, usually the bathroom floor, sometimes the closet. She locks herself in with her new companion, grief. Realizing their relationship is both unwanted and misunderstood by the people around her. 

She works hard to make it invisible. She works hard to push it down and crumble it to pieces similar to the way this loss has shattered her to dust. 

She walks around with a grief she’s too afraid to show and too scared to express. Have you noticed her? Have you paid attention to the shield she has placed around her heart and soul? Have you detected the acting that has now replaced her authentic living? 

Can you tell her to stop hiding, to stop being afraid? Can you show her that she is welcome, transformation and all? Can you invite her and her messy brokenness? Can you accept her, just as she is, forever changed and forever healing? 

Look around, there are more just like her, walking with the hidden pieces of their grief and mourning. Can you be brave enough to help them stop hiding and walk with them into a future that they are fearful of, one absent of someone they love? 

There she is, there they are, the brokenhearted, the ones living with a grief they’re terrified to express. If you look closely and pay attention to the hurried world around you, you’ll see them. The hurting. The lost. The broken. Will you be the one to help them and delicately say, “You don’t have to hide. You don’t have to pretend. You are welcome here, both who you were and who you’ll become. Each and every delicate, crumbled and broken piece is worthy of being seen.”

And then the story will change…

She used to walk with a grief she was too scared to express, until she realized that her story, journey and newfound legacy were too important to be tucked away, hidden. She used to walk with a grief she was too fearful to show, until the world showed her that she could grieve her way, authentically, and remain loved and accepted. 

xox, Chels

Other work from Chelsea you might like…

CLOUDS: https://hopeandharshrealities.com/clouds/

A DRIVE THAT LEADS TO A PLACE, NOT A PERSON: https://hopeandharshrealities.com/a-drive-that-leads-to-a-place-not-a-person/

2 comments so far.

2 responses to “A Grief She’s Afraid to Express”

  1. Kiara says:

    Everything about this touched me. I related to and held onto every single word. I’m not at the last paragraph but I hope to be some day.

  2. Joyce Yoder says:

    I lost my precious mother Ocr 28, 1996 and before I could grieve and mourn her loss I was called to become strong and help my brother and his wife(my sister-in-law) through the loss of her mother 10 days after my mother. As you said sometimes grief never ends but sometimes for me it seems like it never had a chance to start. As age comes I long to see her more and more and I know I will, so till JESUS calls me home my daily prayer is that HE will give me what I need to be the GODLY mom and grandmother HE’S called me to be! GREAT REJOICING IS COMING💖

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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