A Moment Too Big For Me

January 26, 2024

This moment is too big for me. No matter the challenges I’ve faced in life or the heartbreak, or the disappointments, this moment is simply too big for me. 

No one teaches you how to watch your parent die. No one teaches you how to say a final goodbye– how to whisper words that feel like bold betrayal on your heart. No one teaches you when you’re holding the hand of your passing parent how much you’ll feel like an infant, a child, no matter your actual age. 

No one tells you about this moment– a moment much too big for me. 

It’s in moments like this that your character is challenged. Your faith is challenged. Your outlook on life, and love, and the future, is challenged. It’s in moments like this you find how easily a world can shatter and how delicate and fragile life really is. 

It’s a moment I wasn’t prepared for– one that feels too big for me. 

It’s the type of moment that will be carved in stone and signify a personal and harsh “before and after”. The kind that shifts relationships and forces them to transcend space between earth and heaven. It’s the kind of moment that you can never forget, for it is imprinted on your mind in permanent ways. It’s the kind of moment that you can’t comprehend until you’re living it, until you’re breathing in the finality of the life and soul of someone you so fiercely love.

It’s a moment you cannot escape, one that stays with you always– a moment too big for me.

And in all truth and transparency, I guess I’ve realized it’s moments like this that can’t be taught. This type of moment can’t be explained or understood until you’re in it, deep in the midst of gaining grief and losing someone you love. A moment so powerful you’re surrounded by both death and eternity. 

It’s a moment so big, so profound, so heartbreaking, so overwhelming, you leave it transformed– changed forever. 

It’s a moment that to this day still feels too big for me. 

A moment much too big for me.

xox, Chels

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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