Today I will venture to a seat I haven’t filled in years.
I will quit pretending I can do it on my own. I will quit procrastinating and making excuses. I will quit hiding from my pain and anxieties. I will own the fact that my anxiety is at an all-time high and I will do something about it.
Today I will sit in the seat of my therapist. The person who will teach me how to deal with all the things my heart keeps hidden from the world. It’s not pretty to share debilitating anxiety. It’s shameful to share the demons and fears that possess my mind.
Usually I’m a smiling face. Usually I am happy and joyful. Usually I’m a woman on a mission to help others through my own vulnerability and courage. So how can it be that I’m also the woman who struggles with anxiety? Anxiety so intense it steals joy and dissipates all of the empowerment and courage I have.
Anxiety that has held me captive.
Anxiety that has me in pieces, broken. It has me trapped. It has me handcuffed to pain, fear and worry.
This is why I sit in this chair. I sit here for help. I sit here for strategies to cope with my vigilant mind.
It’s not easy to ask for help. In reality, it’s one of the hardest tasks I’ve taken. Asking for help means I don’t house the strength to do it on my own. I hate this, but it’s true.
I am an anxious person. Always have been. I feel things intensely. I have a heart that is so open, it feels everything. It’s like my mind and soul and heart are so intricately wrapped together that they can not be separated.
I’ve tried to manage the anxiety on my own. It hasn’t worked, or rather, hasn’t worked well. So, today I shed the shame and embarrassment and take a seat in the office of someone who can help.
It took months to get here. To get to this place of clarity and courage. But now I’m here, and I know when I walk out of this office I’ll have less weight on my shoulders and less fear in my mind.
