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Hope

She Is Here, Just as She Promised

I Keep Falling…

“The Best Mom A Girl Could Ask For”

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💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

They ask about her, my mother who passed away year

They ask about her, my mother who passed away years ago. Before I answer their questions, I remind them as my eyes fill with tears that if I cry it’s actually a beautiful thing. I remind them that I love talking about her, and if I cry it’s ok, and to please not shy away or be afraid that they’ve made me upset. Crying isn’t always about sadness and despair, it’s typically about love, which is why to me, crying can be a beautiful thing.

I explain to them that I cry because I love her boldly and miss her fiercely. I cry because I knew someone and something better than most can dream. I knew the love of a one-of-a-kind mother.

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because I was lucky to have a mother like her. Not everyone gets a mother like her– selfless, compassionate and filled with grace.

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because you can only miss something you care about and something that made you better for simply experiencing it.

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m also remembering her and the greatness that she bestowed upon my life.

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m reminiscent of the legacy and influence she sprinkled upon my life and the lives of each person she knew. Not everyone has a legacy and influence worth replicating.

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m still loving her, in the present tense, and that is a gift.

And then, through tears I begin telling them about her, all that she was and all that she still is, even from eternity. And the entire time I speak of her, there are tears, and I remind them that it’s ok because tears are a beautiful thing.

xox, Chels

© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

I see you walk across the stage and accept that di

I see you walk across the stage and accept that diploma, glancing into the sea of onlookers wishing your mother was there to see it too.

I see you walking down the aisle wearing the most beautiful shade of white as tears drip down your face knowing the aisle will end with the empty seat your mother should be sitting in.

I see you brave the bold contractions prepared to meet your new baby while delicately glancing to the empty space beside your bed where you wish your mother stood.

I see you sign the papers on your new home wishing you could call and explain this step into adulthood to the woman who created you.

I see you meeting the love of your life and beaming with romance and joy and silently wishing that person could meet your mother, except they can’t, because she’s gone.

I see you getting that job promotion, hitting a huge goal, and making a difference in the world, all while desperately wishing your mother was just a phone call away instead of floating high in eternity.

I see you on holidays when the absence of your mother is so fierce you wish holidays no longer existed or that you’d simply be able to hide away from the celebrations that surround you.

I see you counting down days on the calendar knowing they lead to anniversaries and memories you’d rather forget and certainly not the kind worth celebrating. The days that are dreaded and lonely.

I see you on your darkest day, the days where you’re unsure how to walk into a world that keeps spinning despite your grief and heartbreak. The days where you skip a breath because even breathing has become a difficult task. I see you hurting. I see you longing for the comfort only a mother can provide.

I see you motherless daughter.
I see you because I am you.
We both share the path of a mother gone too soon. We both share the path of a mother far from our reach yet still boldly loving us from eternity.

I see your pain and longing.
I see your guilt-clouded joy.
I see your wishes and hopes.
I hear your silent prayers and your silent fits.
I hear your heart and your soul, even when they don’t say a thing.

I see you motherless daughter…CONTINUED IN COMMENTS…

💗 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💗
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

I told her everything would be fine. I thought it

I told her everything would be fine. I thought it would be. I told her that I’d see her as soon as she was out of the hospital, as soon as her surgery and procedure were done. It seemed like an ordinary day when I told her I loved her and left her in the doctor’s care. Before leaving, I told her again that everything would be ok, that everything would be fine, just like she had told me my entire life. I had no idea what was coming. I had no idea how wrong I would be.

Things wouldn’t be fine. In fact, things would never be fine again.

There wouldn’t be a goodbye. There wouldn’t be a plan for recovery, healing, or rehabilitation. There wouldn’t be an after surgery or after the hospital. There would only be a call to tell us things didn’t go as planned. There would only be a call to tell us she was “gone”. I learned that day, and in that moment, “gone” is the word they use to tell you someone you love is dead.

We thought she would be leaving the hospital and going to a facility to help her heal, instead she would leave that hospital to be buried. A reality that still hasn’t been processed, even though it has been lived with for months and months.

I told her everything would be fine and it wasn’t. She never lived to see another day.
I told her that I loved her and that everything would be ok. I thought it would be and it wasn’t. So now I live with the regret of never getting the chance to say ‘goodbye’ and the harsh pain of all of the ‘never agains’ that I’m left with.

I told my mother that everything would be ok and it was a lie.

As if my reality isn’t devastating enough, each night, when I’m lucky enough for sleep to come, I’m consumed with dreams. I constantly relive the worst day of my life, over and over again. Each dream, slightly different, usually holding more dramatic views of the truth, always horrific enough to wake me in a cold sweat and consequential tears.

Each time the same ending.
I never make it to her fast enough.
I never save her.
I never change her fate.

Each time the same words whispered.
I love you.
Everything will be ok.
I love you.
Everything will be fine.

My words…CONTINUED IN COMMENTS…

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