Celebrating the Mother Who is Gone

May 10, 2019

My mother is gone. Writing that is hard. Living it is debilitating. She isn’t physically here anymore, but trust me, she’s here. She has an endless legacy of love that simply cannot be forgotten. It’s what helps me carry on without her.

Mother’s Day without her is a mixture of gratitude and grief, love and loss, and equal parts of beauty and heartbreak.  

But please know,

It’s ok to say her name.

It’s ok to tell stories about her.

It’s ok to ask about her.

It’s ok to ask if I’m ok, to ask if I miss her, to ask if her absence leaves me heartbroken. Because it does and it always will.

It is ok to talk about her, just as you do for the mothers of your friends who are still living. You see, she’s not living here on Earth as they do, but she lives inside of me and inside of my children.  

I’d rather you continue talking about her than pretending she never existed. By not mentioning her anymore, it feels like she’s being forgotten. Don’t let her be forgotten. She’s gone and it hurts, but saying her name doesn’t make it hurt any more. The thought of people forgetting about her does. People who get uncomfortable talking about her diminish her influence and legacy. She may be gone but I will not let her influence end.

It’s simple. Mother’s Day without my mom is hard. It stings. But I will celebrate her. She was a mother worth celebrating, always.

xox, Chels

8 comments so far.

8 responses to “Celebrating the Mother Who is Gone”

  1. Shaylee Gibbs says:

    I love this so much! This is perfect in every way! ❤️❤️

  2. Roz lamphire says:

    This fits my mother so much. Lost her very early 54 years of age I don’t know how I have made it without her but I know one thing for sure she is with me all the time in my heart on my mind and I know she holds me close to her heart and I so look forward to holding her in my arms one day soon. Not to leave my dad out he too left at 54 5 months before my mom we lost one of the best men and fathers that God gave us to treasure thru the years we had the pleasure of sharing. Thank you Cliff and Cora my parents

  3. Christine says:

    I love the way you lift her up either way! You are a wonderful mom and you have so many traits of your mom! Be strong! Love you and Happy Mother’s Day!

  4. Dena says:

    Hi Chelsea
    Why I’m sitting here reading your stories on the eve of my moms passing five years ago is so painful but truly helpful. I stopped celebrating mother’s day when she passed cause I just could not bare to go thru that day without her, BUTmy thoughts have changed from reading that piece. Next Mother’s Day our family will get together to honor her.
    Thank you!!!!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Dena, I woke up to this beautiful message and was moved to tears. I can’t believe my writing helped you realize the importance and beauty in celebrating your special mother. I am so honored. Please come back next year on Mother’s Day and tell me how you honored her. I’d love to here! In the meantime, I’ll keep you in my thoughts for strength during this never-ending grief journey! Take a look around my page, you might enjoy some of my other pieces. Again, I can’t tell you how much this message means to me. Enjoy your day! xox, Chels

  5. Janet says:

    My mother passed away six months ago and my heart is broken.

  6. Dawn says:

    Thank you so much. This is so very true. I lost mom 4 years ago. It feels like yesterday. My friend told me that there is one thing are moms never taught us, and that was how to live without them. And that’s so very true. There is not a day, a moment that I don’t think about or miss my mom. I miss her smile her laugh her hugs and mom and daughter talks. She was my best friend. This could be so very true for grandmother too. I Missy grandmother very much too.

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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