Dear Beautiful Girl with a Mother in Heaven,

April 7, 2021

Beautiful girl with a mother in heaven, there are some things you should know in the blossoming months ahead. As the world prepares for Mother’s Day you are reminded that your mother is no longer physically with you, as if you ever had the ability to forget. You are reminded of the hole that is delicately placed in your heart. You are reminded of the forever absence of the greatest woman you’ve ever known. You are reminded fiercely of the death of your mother. 

There are some triggers that are bound to be seen, felt, and internalized. Brace yourself for the ads, the commercials, and the posts on social media. Guard your heart with grace, patience and love, knowing each complicated emotion you will experience is felt by others. You are not alone in this longing and emptiness. 

Sadly, there are so many others who walk with a shadow where a mother once stood. Sadly, there are others who, like us, can only visit their mother at a garden full of stones and hidden tombs. Sadly, there are countless other souls who find themselves motherless on Mother’s Day and even worse every other day of the year as well. We are in this together. 

When I find myself deep in the ache of grief and crippled by the pain and longing I search for an uplifting perspective, something new to help with grief’s jealousy, confusion and anger. One day, here is what I found…

The fact that the ads, store displays and charismatic promotions for Mother’s Day are needed mean there are mothers still here blessing their children with their love, and that should be celebrated. I don’t have my mother but I’m so glad they still have theirs, for I know the pain and destruction that happens when she’s no longer here. 

The fact that my social media feed is filled with posts of appreciation and gratitude for the mothers of my friends signifies they are recognizing the beautiful and hard work of a mother, and that should be celebrated. I don’t have my mother and I wish I would have told her more how much I appreciated her. I’m glad they are seizing these opportunities.

The fact that people are buying gifts and cards and sentimental acts of love highlights that mothers are being adored today, as they should, and that should be celebrated.

I don’t have my mother but when I did, I did all of those same things and I will not stop doing those things in her death.

My mother deserves to be celebrated. She deserved to be praised and appreciated. Though her presence will be different and immensely opposite of what I’d prefer, I will choose love over longing. I will say her name and make her feel special, wherever she may be. 

Sweet girl with a mother in heaven, even with an uplifting and hopeful perspective, there is one harsh truth you should know, it will still hurt. This special day will still be hard and painful and full of emotion but it will also be filled with love, understanding and the beautiful acceptance that mothers deserved to be celebrated, here or there, near or far. There is nothing that can erase the ache you will feel on this day but there is a perspective you can use to soften it; love. 

Your mother left you with an endless and undeniable love. Truth is, she’s still loving you fiercely from wherever eternity has led her. It’s what mothers do. 

While I now walk with a shadow where my beautiful mother used to be, I realize I’m not alone. She’s still there, just more delicate and discrete than before. That shadow standing next to me signifies light and presence and love. It signifies her endless legacy and influence. She shines through me, but I can only see it if I get up, step out of the paralyzing grief and walk into the sun. 

Find your shadow today, fellow motherless daughters, you are not alone. You never are. 

Mother’s day looks different for us but it still contains love. Love and shadows…and that feels special because it means that a glorious light shines on me from above. It means that a glorious light shines on all of us. Find your shadow, you are not alone. 

xox, Chels

You might also like:

Mother’s Day Without Your Mother: https://hopeandharshrealities.com/mothers-day-without-your-mother/

Celebrating the Mother who is Gone: https://hopeandharshrealities.com/celebrating-the-mother-who-is-gone/

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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