Faith & Fear

January 23, 2020

Here we are, two days before our baby son’s surgery. I’m a mess. I can’t think straight. I can’t sleep. I find myself engulfed by stress and anxiety.

We have three children. But this is a first. Our baby son will be put under and operated on. It’s a simple operation in the scheme of things, but it’s not simple or easy on my heart and mind.

I try to “worry less and pray more”. I try to “give it to God.” I try to do all the things you read in memes and hear from your friends mouths. No matter what, I can’t quiet my mind. I can’t run from the fears that occupy my brain.

Motherhood increases your capacity to love. It also increases your capacity to worry. In motherhood you gain a superpower. One that allows you to fear greater and worry without end.

I pray. I meditate. I put my words on this screen. I try to keep my mind busy so it can’t find time to wreck havoc on my day and my mood.

I sit here worried and scared. I sit here knowing that Friday will come and I will have no choice but to be confident in the doctors and surgeons we have chosen and trusted.

And there it is, the answer to my fear and worry. On the day we needed expertise and advice, we sought out the best doctors to care for our boy. We chose capable, talented, and intelligent professionals to entrust our baby boy.

I need to remember, we chose them.

I will find solace in our choices. I will remind myself that before the stress, we made a plan, and this was always part of that plan.

And if nothing else, I will remember the simple words of my mother, “Faith, Chelsea. You have to have faith.”

So, faith it is friends.

Faith and prayers and tears and fear and more faith.

xox, Chels

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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