For the One Carrying a Broken Hallelujah This Mother’s Day

May 4, 2024

No one that was there that day knew I was grieving more than the death of my mother.

No one present at her funeral knew I was broken in the grief of losing her, and also shattered by the reality that I had coincidently lost my faith, too. It felt like the foundation of who I was and what I believed had been stolen right from me — gone.

There was no warning, and if there had been, I’m not sure I would have even recognized it. I was in disbelief of the last breaths I witnessed when my mother passed and in confusion for the future that now stood in front of me.

It’s a harsh reality, a broken hallelujah, sitting with the loss of your mother and also the loss of your faith. It’s a loneliness that you cannot describe and one you truly cannot comprehend until you’re sitting with it, encompassed like a new skin, a new version of you that you never asked for . . . one that, in fact, you despise.

The loss of my mother came over time, a fatal diagnosis, though never truly expected. The loss of my faith came sudden and without any kind of indication of what was to come, of what was dissipating.

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1 comments so far.

One response to “For the One Carrying a Broken Hallelujah This Mother’s Day”

  1. I truly admire how you tackle difficult topics and address them in a respectful and thought-provoking manner

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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