From eternity there is no concept of time. I’m only reminded that today is a special one when I look down and check in on you. I notice the tears and the way you hold the calendar with a heart drawn across this day and I realize it’s my birthday.
Even from this immeasurable distance I can see your sadness and if it wasn’t for the pureness and beauty of this place I’d be able to feel the ache that is radiating from your heart and soul. Birthdays should be a beautiful thing, but I’ve realized death complicates that.
Before, when I was with all of you, I had that motherly ability to soothe your pain and calm your soul. From up here, it’s not impossible, but it’s much more difficult– mostly because you’ll miss a sign I’ve sent for you or dismiss it completely due to circumstance.
While today is my birthday, and I’m not there in a capacity that you can comprehend, please know that a date on a calendar shouldn’t harden your heart or steal your joy.
Don’t you remember that I never really enjoyed the attention or the fuss anyways? Don’t you remember that the only gifts I truly ever loved were the sentimental ones? Would you believe that everytime you remember me, talk about me, or honor me, it feels just as priceless as those handmade presents you’d give me? It’s true. I promise.
Things look different and feel different, trust me I know, but I wish I could remind you that the best gift you can give me on this special day of mine is to enjoy life and embrace the blessings that still are all around you.
While today is my birthday, and I can no longer blow out candles or open carefully wrapped presents, I can still feel your love and your remembrance. I can still feel your intentionality of crafting something special to ensure I’m never forgotten. And while I can’t feel your heartbreak and your grief, I can see it. I wish I could erase it but I don’t hold that power and even if I did I fear that erasing the ache entirely would also eventually erase me– something neither of us want.
So today, on my birthday, here is my wish for you, from heaven…
I hope you have more smiles than tears. I hope you find a way to spread joy to others and remind someone today how beautiful the world can truly be. I hope you find a way to love boldly and live bravely. I hope you feel appreciative of all of the blessings in your life and that they aren’t overshadowed by my absence. I hope you talk to me because I’m always listening. I hope you mark this day in ways that feel suited for you and everyone that loves me.
And most of all, today on my birthday, I hope you feel grateful for all the time and memories and love we had, instead of defeated by the grief of losing me. I hope you remember that while it feels like I’m gone, I’m not and never will be.
Celebrate my birthday with fun and laughs.
Celebrate me in beautiful and joyous ways.
Celebrate for me with a smile…because I’m watching…and you know how beautiful I think you are when you smile.
A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.
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