38 weeks pregnant, waiting on baby number two’s arrival, I sat there staring at my beautiful little girl. She was two and she was the smartest, most beautiful, and incredible girl I’ve ever known. Even better, she was mine. In just a short time our world would be changing. We’d be sharing the time with someone new, her brother. We’d be sharing our hearts too.
I watched her move and play and breathe. I watched pretty much everything she did. I was consumed with motherhood in the most amazing way. My capacity to love grew when she was born and in a few weeks it would be growing again, exceeding all expectations. Motherhood has a way of transforming things bigger and better than you’ve planned. It’s one of the many blessings of being a mother.
She’s got chunky cheeks that still reveal some “baby” left in her. She still sweetly says, “Wuv you Mama” and other kidisms that I love so well. She loves Doc McStuffins and princesses. She thinks she’ll become one when she’s older. What I tell her is that she already is. She was born my princess, and soon a prince would be born.
I watch as she grows bigger and more independent with each day. I prepare myself for her to lose her current titles, “Baby” and “Only Child”. Both of our worlds are about to change, just like these titles. It’s both mesmerizing and a little tearful too. Afterall, she was the first. The one that gave me my most precious title; mother.
As the final days of alone time approach, I soak it all up. Take it all in. I prepare myself in the ways everyone has told me to, and I’ve prepared her in the best ways I know. She’s got the pretend babies, and the books, and the things she needs to become a big sister. Most purchased from stores, when in reality she already has everything she needs in that sweet heart of hers. She was born to be a big sister.
When the day comes and she walks in to meet her baby brother, I’m stunned because I barely recognize her. She looks like my sweet girl, but she also looks much more mature and grown and big. This can’t be. I’ve only left her for a few hours, short moments, a simple fraction of time, but there she is this bigger girl. This beautiful big sister who had somehow morphed into her new title as I was giving birth.
I watch her, taking it all in. Smiling in complete awe of this new addition to our family. Smiling at all the love that fills this room. I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s different in the most breathtaking and magnificent ways. She was still little, but this was a different little. She was now a toddler with new roles, new titles, and a new place in my heart.
It was different than before. She is different.
Now there are two. One big, one small, and my heart sits there trying to take it all in. My heart is bigger, and so is she. And it’s just as it should be. And it’s perfect.
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.