I Am More Than My Grief

March 23, 2022

I don’t want my grief and my broken heart to be the loudest thing about me. I don’t want to be known by the loss I’ve experienced or the pain that I now carry. I don’t want to be known as the girl whose mother is dead, a girl who is mere pieces of who she used to be. I don’t want my sadness or my sorrow to be the first thing people notice or know about me. 

I am more than my grief.

I am more than my brokenness.

I don’t want to be known for the parts of me that no longer exist. I don’t want the hole in my heart and the ache in my soul to be the loudest thing about me. I don’t want to be known for just my past and the titles I no longer carry. I don’t want people to look into my eyes and see only darkness and faded purpose. 

I am more than my pain.

I am more than my past. 

I don’t want others to think I’ve only been sculpted out of loss, death and devastation. I want them to see I’ve been sculpted by love too. I don’t want people to see only the destruction but also that I’m in a place of discovery for what is to come. I don’t want people to misunderstand my silence for depression or my loudness for madness. 

I am more than my emotions.

I am someone’s legacy. 

One day I want to walk into a room and be known for what I am in this moment. I want to be known for the version of me that stands today– the changed version. The one that’s standing with shaking legs and unsteady breaths, but one that’s still standing. 

I am more than my grief.

You are too. 

Never forget that.

xox, Chels

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2 responses to “I Am More Than My Grief”

  1. Jean Manning says:

    I’m touched by your writing.
    You have a real talent.
    But while I grieve for my mom, I focus more on all the funny things she did.
    I see her in my mind’s eye, her strength, her loving, not only to family but to all.
    I grieve for her every day, for what could have been.
    But so much time has passed.
    I’ll probably be the next one my daughter is grieving for.

    Grief never ends, it changes from day to day, it mellow to a fond memory then comes back and sends you to your knees.

    My prayers go out to you for comfort and healing!

    Keep writing, please!
    Your words are beautiful!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Jean, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this. I appreciate your kind and supportive words. xox, Chels

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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