I am your Daughter and I am Gay

July 6, 2019
Sometimes people reach out and ask me to write for them. They have stories pouring from their hearts, but they can’t find the words to release them. This piece is inspired by a friend who has been searching for words that haven’t come.
I hope my words honor the voice in her heart. xox, Chels

Let me start with the simple facts. I am your daughter. I am gay and I love you more than I can explain. I know you don’t understand or accept the fact that I am gay. That is ok. I’ve come to realize that not everyone will accept me. I can’t change people’s minds or views. I can’t open people’s hearts. That is not my job. 

My job is to be me. The most authentic version of myself, and that is what I’m doing. 

I’m genuinely happy for the first time in forever. I’ve found a partner and life that is such a perfect fit for all of the dreams I’ve held in my heart.

I’ve realized through the years that being gay is a disgrace to you. It’s something you can’t comprehend or accept. If your heart can’t love me in my entirety, then that is on your heart, not mine.

Lately I’ve learned the difference between acceptance and respect. While you do not have to accept my life and those in it, you do have to respect us. This is not a request. It is a demand. You’ve taught me since I was a child about the power of being respectful and treating others kindly. You must now listen to your own teachings and treat me and those in my life with the dignity we deserve. 

I love and accept others for all that they are. You see, my job on this earth isn’t to judge others, fix others, or change people. My job is to show up each day giving kindness, grace, friendship, and love to those in my life. Isn’t your job to do the same? 

I’m not going to quote scripture the way you so often do to validate the hate in your heart. I’m not going to ask you to change your faith, your views, or your beliefs. I am however, going to demand that your relationship and engagement with me be respectful. Your words and actions must display the same grace you give those that enter your church. I can guarantee you would never treat those that fill your church pews with the same disgust and hostility that you’ve shown me. 

Think about all of the hateful words you’ve used to fill my life and my inbox. If I were to share them with the world, what would they say? Would they display a mother who loves her daughter? Would they display a woman who lives as Christ wishes? Or would they showcase a woman who is filled with hate, meanness, and disrespect for a daughter that she once loved and adored? 

I want you in my life. I want to have a relationship with you. I love you.

I will end with a few more simple truths. You do not have to agree with my lifestyle. You do not have to agree with those I love. You do not have to be a part of my life. You don’t even have to love me. 

All of those things are choices. You get to choose. 

What is no longer a choice is my tolerance of the way you treat me. It’s no longer a request to be treated humanely, but a demand. It is non-negotiable. 

You don’t have to love me in my entirety, but know that there are so many people that do.

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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