If I Cry, It’s a Beautiful Thing

They ask about her, my mother who passed away years ago. Before I answer their questions, I remind them as my eyes fill with tears that if I cry it’s actually a beautiful thing. I remind them that I love talking about her, and if I cry it’s ok, and to please not shy away or be afraid that they’ve made me upset. Crying isn’t always about sadness and despair, it’s typically about love, which is why to me, crying can be a beautiful thing. 

I explain to them that I cry because I love her boldly and miss her fiercely. I cry because I knew someone and something better than most can dream. I knew the love of a one-of-a-kind mother. 

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because I was lucky to have a mother like her. Not everyone gets a mother like her– selfless, compassionate and filled with grace. 

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because you can only miss something you care about and something that made you better for simply experiencing it. 

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m also remembering her and the greatness that she bestowed upon my life. 

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m reminiscent of the legacy and influence she sprinkled upon my life and the lives of each person she knew. Not everyone has a legacy and influence worth replicating. 

I remind them that if I cry, it’s a beautiful thing because it means I’m still loving her, in the present tense, and that is a gift. 

And then, through tears I begin telling them about her, all that she was and all that she still is, even from eternity. And the entire time I speak of her, there are tears, and I remind them that it’s ok because tears are a beautiful thing. 

xox, Chels