No Idea What Is Coming

August 31, 2022

She tells us her diagnosis. We sit. We stare. We cry.

We simply have no idea what is coming

She fades with each treatment. She loses hair. She loses stamina.

We simply have no idea what is coming.

She goes into remission. We breathe again. We laugh again. We feel grateful.

We have no idea what is coming.

She tells us the cancer is back. She tells us time is limited. She tells us treatment isn’t an option.

We simply have no idea what is coming.

She gets admitted to the hospital. Her body is frail and weak. Things are different this time.

We have no idea what is coming.

We bring her home. We invite hospice. We learn to administer medicine. We have a plan.

Yet even still, we simply have no idea what is coming. 

We sit with her. We pray over her. We talk to her. We hold her. 

And even though they try to prepare us, we have no idea what is coming.

We lay with her as her breathing fades and her heart stops. 

And still, we have no idea what is coming.

We are forced to leave her. We do not look as she is wheeled away. We do not look as she is taken.

And as our hearts have been shattered and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of us, we still have no idea what is coming. 

Because things keep coming. 

She looks so beautiful and peaceful as she lays in the casket we chose. She is the center of attention for this occasion, her funeral. She hated being the center of attention. We stand in front of her as dozens and dozens of people tell her goodbye and share their condolences. We say goodbye too, still having no idea what is coming.

Because things keep coming. Hard things. Unimaginable things. Things that change everything.

The casket floats above a hole in the ground. She is the one that will be lowered into the dirt, yet here I stand feeling suffocated by the weight of it all. We say our final goodbyes. We continuously repeat “I love you” through harsh tears. 

And even then, we have no idea what is coming.

Because things keep coming. Life keeps changing. Her death creates a ripple effect on every single piece of what remains. As she left our world, deep and immense grief entered. And yet, even after she was gone, we still had no idea what was coming.

Because grief keeps coming. It always will.

xox, Chels

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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