It wasn’t as simple as losing her. It wasn’t as delicate as passing away. It wasn’t as easy as any of those expressions. It was harsh and raw and messy. It wasn’t as peaceful as the movies or as gentle as you’d hope. It was unfair and incomprehensible.
She died. She took her last breaths. She slipped into eternity, leaving us here broken and confused. She remained beautiful and still carried light, but the moment and circumstance did not. It was a nightmare that was unfortunately our reality, something you can’t wake up from or recover from completely.
It wasn’t as simple as saying goodbye. It wasn’t as delicate as kissing her one last time and holding her close. It wasn’t as easy as any of that. It was devastating and emotionally paralyzing. It wasn’t something you could prepare yourself for. It was brutal and real and undeniable.
She was no longer going to be walking among us, living life gracefully with endless love and inspiration. She was gone, hopefully to heaven, but also so far out of sight it created doubt and fear. Soon, she would be buried and even further from our grips and reach.
It wasn’t as simple as dying. It wasn’t as delicate as willingly letting go and walking in faith. It wasn’t as easy as any of that. It was a struggle, a battle of acceptance and denial. A battle of love lost and memories that had escaped us, opportunities missed and endless “wish I would have’s”.
Losing someone, losing her, wasn’t easy or simple or delicate. It was messy and complicated and unfair. It was filled with love, but also heartbreak. It was filled with gratitude, but also anger. It was filled with acceptance, but also fierce denial. It was filled with carefully letting go while tightly clinging on for dear life.
It’s not like the movies.
It’s complicated and messy.
It’s the death of someone you loved, and it changes everything.
