She came home from the hospital, straight into home hospice.
She slipped quickly. One day we were shopping and enjoying ice cream dates. The next we would barely be blessed by her smile and conversation.
Another 24-hours later and we’d have nothing.
She was still with us but fading quickly with each moment and each breath.
She was dying. We knew it but we couldn’t comprehend it. It didn’t make sense. To be honest, it still doesn’t make sense.
We surrounded her with love. Never leaving her side. Everyone came. Especially those that mattered. We cried. We laughed. We hugged. We supported one another. All the while, she lay there dying.
There were times I’d have to walk away. Seeing her like that was unbearable. Watching her slip away and take her last breath is something that will never leave me.
We learned quickly who the strong were. They were the ones who stayed. They were the fierce warriors we all so desperately needed. They blessed us with their support and love.
As we close in on the anniversary of my mother’s death, I’d love to be flooded with the loving times, the fun times, the unforgettable moments and adventures. Sadly, I’m flooded with images of the last days. Overwhelmed with images of her death. Paraylyzed by images of the moment I lost her. This time of year is hard. It always reveals the darkness and not the beautiful light that she so often exuded.
The brutal truth is that the anniversary of her death is also the anniversary of the day a piece of my heart broke. A piece I will never get back, a piece that will never heal, a piece that died with her on that day.
I will never forget those last days and breaths. She laid there dying and a piece of all of us was dying too.
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.