She Left Early- The Power of Pain

March 14, 2023

She was a light. Not the kind that lit up a room, as the cliche goes. She was more like a flashlight. The sort of light that leaves its holder in darkness while shining brightly and intentionally for others. That was her. 

Fun. Spunky. Beautiful. Outwardly radiating light as reflective as the sun while standing, like a shadow, in the darkness– a darkness only she could see and feel. 

She had two sides— the side that was balanced and loved– the real and truest side. And the side that lied to her to make her believe she wasn’t enough and that things would never get better. 

The other day, that side finally won. And with that win came destruction and devastation to everyone that knows her. 

She took her life. 

She left early.

She was consumed by the lies of the darkness and the cruel untruths it silently spoke to her. 

And now you can feel the guilt seeping out of the tears of each person that remains. The kind of guilt that says, could I have saved her? Could someone have saved her? Could I have said more, or did more, or changed this unimaginable outcome? The kind of guilt that clings to you like skin and makes your grief that much harder to carry. 

The harsh reality is that you can’t tether someone to this earth when their soul is aching for eternity and peace in a way we cannot see or comprehend. Sometimes, you cannot save people no matter how hard you try. 

She left early.

She said goodbye before anyone was ready.

And now she is gone.

And now we all see the darkness and the despair because we’re seated in it, unable to turn away from the realities of this moment. So we’ll pay our respects, and we’ll pray, and hug, and cry.

And we’ll never again be able to deny the power of pain.

xox, Chels

This post is dedicated to a beautiful soul from my hometown– a woman loved by many and gone too soon.

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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