I’ve been focused on the wrong day, the day that changed everything. I’ve been focused on the one that is past tense, the one that changed my life and took yours. I’ve been focused on the day you died, the day that broke my heart and redirected my entire future. I’ve been looking back instead of looking forward. I think it’s one of grief’s greatest and harshest consequences. The past is filled with the memories but it’s also filled with the devastation from losing you.
I’ve been focused on the day that changed everything instead of the day that changes everything. If you don’t read that carefully enough you won’t realize the distinction, just like I missed it in life and in grief. The delicate difference between changed and changes. You see, I’ve been focused on the wrong day. I’ve been focused on the day that took a piece of my heart and not the day that will eventually make me whole again.
The day that changes everything, that’s the one I need to keep my focus on. The one that hasn’t happened yet. The one that will change everything, the day we meet again. That day will change everything.
Grief has a way of darkening things, of stealing the light and replacing it with black. It has a way of reminding us of what is missing, instead of what to hope for, or even that hope exists. It has a way of covering our emotions, thoughts, and perspectives with immense pain instead of priceless love. It had me clinging tightly to the harsh day that everything changed instead of the hopeful day that will change everything.
I’ve been focusing on the day you died and the day I became detached from your love, guidance and influence. I’ve been focused on the darkest day I’ve ever lived. I’ve been focused on the day everything changed, instead of the day that everything changes, the one where we meet again, united by God’s grace and his promise.
For years I’ve been focusing on the wrong day and the wrong moment. The one filled with what seemed like a forever goodbye. Except it wasn’t a “Goodbye”, it is a very delayed “See you later.”
This is not how it ends. It doesn’t end on the day that changed everything. It ends on the day I see you again, the day that changes everything. The day you welcome me in heaven. The day we’re reunited. The day that will change everything.
Chelsea you have helped me so much with your postes❤😘 I lost my Mom at 13 and miss her more today than ever. I know we will meet again one day. As Christians we have that to look forward to. God Bless💕💕💝
Carol, this comment means so so much to me. The very reason I write is to help others feel less alone and provide some hope in the midst of grief. Thank you for taking the time to write me. I pray you continue to find encouragement on my page. xox, Chels
Such a beautiful twist to such a day filled with tremendous grief. I have found myself trying to envision my dear Mom and I entwined in each other’s arms and hearts when I leave this Earth. I miss her soooo much. It’s just past a year now and it still takes my breath away. We were like twins and I feel like 1/2 of me is missing. I’m her only. I know oneday we will be whole again Mommy. Thank you so much for this writing and all your lively posts. They really do convey my/our deep feelings of grief. God bless you and all who grieve. Happy New Year Chels.
Deborah, thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words. They mean so much to me. I’m lifting you in hope, love and comfort from afar as you continue your grief journey. We are all in this together. xox, Chels
These words came to me at just the right moment as well! I too lost “my twin” as Deborah said. I lost my mom 4 months ago and the pain and longing seems to increase daily! I pray God sustains me until we ‘re together again! Thank you ❣️
Thank you for sharing this “mind blowing” perspective! Time to refocus!