I’ve been focused on the wrong day, the day that changed everything. I’ve been focused on the one that is past tense, the one that changed my life and took yours. I’ve been focused on the day you died, the day that broke my heart and redirected my entire future. I’ve been looking back instead of looking forward. I think it’s one of grief’s greatest and harshest consequences. The past is filled with the memories but it’s also filled with the devastation from losing you.
I’ve been focused on the day that changed everything instead of the day that changes everything. If you don’t read that carefully enough you won’t realize the distinction, just like I missed it in life and in grief. The delicate difference between changed and changes. You see, I’ve been focused on the wrong day. I’ve been focused on the day that took a piece of my heart and not the day that will eventually make me whole again.
The day that changes everything, that’s the one I need to keep my focus on. The one that hasn’t happened yet. The one that will change everything, the day we meet again. That day will change everything.
Grief has a way of darkening things, of stealing the light and replacing it with black. It has a way of reminding us of what is missing, instead of what to hope for, or even that hope exists. It has a way of covering our emotions, thoughts, and perspectives with immense pain instead of priceless love. It had me clinging tightly to the harsh day that everything changed instead of the hopeful day that will change everything.
I’ve been focusing on the day you died and the day I became detached from your love, guidance and influence. I’ve been focused on the darkest day I’ve ever lived. I’ve been focused on the day everything changed, instead of the day that everything changes, the one where we meet again, united by God’s grace and his promise.
For years I’ve been focusing on the wrong day and the wrong moment. The one filled with what seemed like a forever goodbye. Except it wasn’t a “Goodbye”, it is a very delayed “See you later.”
This is not how it ends. It doesn’t end on the day that changed everything. It ends on the day I see you again, the day that changes everything. The day you welcome me in heaven. The day we’re reunited. The day that will change everything.
A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.