The Day He Dies: Losing Your Father

August 15, 2022

The day he dies, you’ll stop breathing for a moment too. You’ll wonder how the world around you continues to go on. 

The day he dies a piece of you will die too. You’ll learn this is a piece that you cannot fill. It is a piece that cannot be replaced by anything, ever.

The day he dies you’ll start a new life. Your new life will be fatherless. It will be different than before in the most painful and heartbreaking way. 

The day he dies you will look around and question everything. You’ll question your faith, your last words, and every moment you spent away from him. Your questions will never be answered, but keep asking anyway. 

The day he dies you’ll be in complete disbelief. You will refuse to accept this reality but it will stay with you. One day the debilitating reality will sink in. This day is just as bad as the day he dies. 

The day he dies you will be frozen with heartbreak, confusion and terror. You will develop new anxieties and fears, ones you’ve never had before. Some days these new fears will be debilitating.

The day he dies, you become an adult. The kind of adult that doesn’t have a father. That is a different kind of adult than before, trust me. 

The day he dies you will long for his fatherly affection– his hugs, his time and more than anything, his presence. This longing never goes away and neither does the search for him. 

It stays with you, but so does he, because…

The day he dies you gain a priceless and powerful guardian angel. You can’t see him, but he is there, just as he promised. 

The day he dies you will look around at all of the people that are there supporting you and helping you pick up the pieces. The people that show up are your people. Never forget the ones that showed up, they are special. 

The day he dies you’ll learn that you loved so hard, so deeply, so purely, that you will now grieve enormously because of that beautiful love. 

The day he dies you’ll learn that he loved you beyond measure, the way only a father can. He loved you effortlessly and without end. He believed in you more than you ever believed in yourself. You’ll realize that you were always his baby and his responsibility, even as an adult. 

The day he dies you’ll realize, without hesitation, that he was the most amazing man you’ve ever known and will ever know. 

The day he dies you’ll appreciate him more than you ever have and you’ll pray to have him back. Unfortunately, no prayers can bring him back. No wishes can make him appear. 

So when he dies, remember his smile, remember his love, and remember his life. 

Never forget him and everything that he was because the day he dies, you become his legacy. 

xox, Chels

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One response to “The Day He Dies: Losing Your Father”

  1. Michelle Hederson says:

    So real raw and perfectly described.

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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