The Day She Dies

January 4, 2019

The day she dies a piece of you will die too. You’ll learn this is a piece that you cannot fill. It is a piece that cannot be replaced by anything, ever.

The day she dies you’ll stop breathing for a moment too. You’ll wonder how the world around you continues to go on.

The day she dies you’ll start a new life. Your new life will be motherless. It will be different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way.

The day she dies you will look around and question everything. You’ll question your faith, your last words, and every moment you spent away from her. Your questions will never be answered, but keep asking anyway.

The day she dies you’ll be in complete disbelief. You will refuse to accept this reality but it will stay with you. One day the debilitating reality will sink in. This day is just as bad as the day she dies.

The day she dies you will be frozen with heartbreak, confusion and terror. You will develop new anxieties and fears you never had before. Some days these new fears will be debilitating.

The day she dies, you become an adult. The kind of adult that doesn’t have a mother. That is a different kind of adult than before, trust me.

The day she dies you will long for her hug, her kiss, her time and her presence. This longing never goes away.

It stays with you, but so does she, because…

The day she dies you gain the most beautiful angel. You can’t see her, but she is there, just as she promised.

The day she dies you will look around and be grateful for all of the people there supporting you and helping you pick up the pieces. The people that show up are your people. Never forget the ones that showed up, they are special.

The day she dies you’ll learn that you loved so hard, so deeply, so purely, that you will now grieve hard because of that beautiful love.

The day she dies you’ll learn that she loved you beyond measure. She mothered you more beautifully than any Hallmark movie. She believed in you more than you’ve ever believed in yourself. You’ll realize that she took care of you like you were the most precious cargo on the planet, even as an adult.

The day she dies you’ll realize, without hesitation, that she was the most amazing woman you’ve ever known and will ever know.

The day she dies you’ll appreciate her more than you ever have, and you’ll pray to have her back. Unfortunately, no prayers can bring her back. No wishes can make her appear.

So when she dies, remember her smile, remember her love, and remember her life.

Never forget her and everything that she was because the day she dies, you become her legacy.

xox, Chels

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121 comments so far.

121 responses to “The Day She Dies”

  1. Mandi says:

    Such a emotional and meaningful post.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Mandi, Thank you so much. This piece was difficult to write. It is raw and vulnerable and heartbreaking but it is my reality. Grieving my mother has been a long road, and will be for the rest of my life. I’ve found comfort in writing and feel so humbled and honored when others enjoy what I write.

  2. Carol James says:

    Every so often something hits a trigger, less often than in years past, but still a trigger that releases all the feelings of loving, longing and loss. Your article did that today. The day my Mom died I was still a child. Today, almost 58 years later, I sit here crying missing the most beautiful person I have ever known.
    Thank you for your writings.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Carol, Thank you so much for your message. I hate that we share this heartbreak but I am so humbled that you could relate to my writing! Hugs to you and I hope you’ll continue to find my writing relevant and comforting.

  3. This is so true of a mother that has lost a daughter too.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Linda, thank you for reading my piece. Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts. I hate to hear about your heartbreak but hope you find comfort in those that surround you. Blessings. <3

  4. Erica says:

    This hit home for me I list my mother 20 years ago I was 15 and you absolutely right about it all if I had one more day with my mother I would not have been the cocky teenager I was and would have cherished it all a lot more thank you for sharing

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Erica, Thank you so much for visiting my page! I appreciate it more than you know. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece. Hopefully you’ll continue to find other writing of mine that you enjoy! <3, Chels

  5. Donna says:

    This piece conveys exactly what has been in my heart, but could not explain or put into words. Life will never be the same without my beloved Mom, who was my best friend as well as my Mom. She is missed beyond measure, and I would give anything to see and talk to her again.

    Thank you for sharing. It brought me to tears. I am sorry for your loss, too.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Donna, Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work and for writing such a kind comment! I appreciate your sweet and thoughtful words. I hope you keep coming back and find other work of mine that you enjoy! <3, Chels

  6. Laura Cantales says:

    I read this piece with great admiration and gratitude. Not only have I lost my own mother, but I have Stage IV cancer and struggle to find the words to leave my daughter, knowing that my future with her is uncertain. Your writing expresses the intricate and often indescribable relationship, as well as the sadness and the hope for a continued one, even as death approaches. Thank you for this gem that ends my struggle to find the perfect, meaningful words that my daughter can use to navigate our relationship, now, and in the afterlife! God Bless You!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Laura, I’m sitting here trying to type a response and I’m failing. I’ve got tears streaming from my eyes and they keep coming. This is so heartbreaking and so beautiful at the same time. I am so incredibly honored with all that you wrote. I wish you could understand the feelings and emotions in my heart when reading your comment. I am taking time to pray for you when I finish writing this. I hope you feel the prayers lifting you up. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my writing. But even more for writing such an amazingly kind comment. Prayers to you. <3, Chels

  7. Jamie says:

    A fellow teacher passed away this weekend and I thought of her three daughters left behind. All under the age of 20.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Jamie, I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. It is the most difficult thing I’ve endured. Feel free to pass along my writing or information if they ever need someone thats been there. Hope you are well, friend. <3, Chels

  8. Teri Bahr says:

    I have never read anything so true in the last 11 months since my Mother died!!!!! You are a beautiful writer. Everything word you wrote seemed to be just for me! The way I feel constantly. Thank you for putting my feelings into words for all to read!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Teri, I am tearful reading your comment. Words can’t express how much they mean to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my work and especially for taking the time to comment with something so incredibly kind! I hope you’ll visit again and find other pieces you enjoy! <3, Chels

  9. Jamie Estes says:

    This is beautifully written and expressed exactly what i wish i could say or write. Thank you so much.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Jamie, Thank you so much for your sweet message. I appreciate it more than you know. Being open and vulnerable is scary but hearing from people like you make it so worthwhile. Hopefully you’ll continue to visit the page and find other pieces that you enjoy! <3, Chels

  10. Julie Salisbury says:

    All of this is so true, I remember thinking how can everyone go about their normal everyday business when my world as I had known just fell apart.

    Julie Salisbury

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Julie, I completely felt the same, as you can tell by my writing. It was such an unreal experience as the world just kept spinning around me. Thank you for taking the time to read my work and even more for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it more than you know! Keep coming back! Hopefully you’ll enjoy some of my other pieces. <3, Chels

  11. Elizabeth Hutto says:

    I just lost my mom unexpectedly 7 months ago.. And my father unexpectedly in 2016. Thank you for writing this. It’s so very absolutely true and brave of you to be that volnerable.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Elizabeth, Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean more to me than you know. Writing was something my mother encouraged me to do, but I never listened. I’m so glad I finally did, even if she isn’t here to see it. Hearing from people like you that have felt something when reading my innermost thoughts is such a proud accomplishment. Thank you for reading. Hopefully, you’ll keep visiting and finding things you enjoy! <3, Chels

  12. Caren says:

    So accurate!! I agree with everything you wrote, and cried my eyes out once again. It doesn’t take much. Thank you for writing like it really is!!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Caren, Thank you so much for your sweet comment! It is hard to be raw and vulnerable but it’s so important because that’s when others can relate and understand! I appreciate you visiting my page and hope you’ll come back and see some of my other work! <3, Chels

  13. Kelley says:

    Thank you so much for this, all so true. My Mother was every part of me and losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life. Miss her more than anything.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Kelley, it is such an incredible feeling when people thank me for my writing. I am so honored that people are reading my work, relating to it and then messaging me about it. My mom would be SO proud. It’s hard to be open, raw and vulnerable but it’s also incredibly therapeutic. This journey is never-ending, but I’m hoping for more laughs in the memories than tears for the absence. Hope you’ll visit again and see more of my work. <3, Chels

  14. Michele Donovan says:

    My mom passed 38years ago Still regret the many hours that were wasted when she was alive Thank you

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Michele, Thank you so much for reading my work. I appreciate you visiting my page. I have many regrets myself, always will. I think most people do. You are not alone. Sending you positive thoughts today, friend. <3, Chels

  15. Jude says:

    My mom died 4 months ago today. I never realized how very much I would miss her. She was 90years old and physically so deteriorated from Parkinson’s and spinal compression, and I thought I would.ld feel mostly relief that her suffering was over. I am glad that her suffering is over,but I would give anything to hear her voice again or see her smile. I miss being with her having lunch and caring for her.i regret so many missed opportunities to spend more time with her. I regret being cranky with her when I was tired. No matter how old you are, you miss your mom.i was so blessed to have had her for 64 years.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Judy, I completely agree. It doesn’t matter if you had your mother for 20 years or 60, it is still one of the hardest pains to experience. Mother’s are so incredibly special. It sounds like we were both very blessed with amazing women as mother’s. Thank you for visiting my page. Hopefully you’ll continue to come back and find pieces you enjoy. <3, Chels

  16. Kay W says:

    It was all I could do to get through this. We just lost our mother last week, and I am still numb. I feel like I will wake up in a minute & all of this will have been a very bad dream. I don’t like being THIS kind of adult.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Kay, I’m heartbroken for your loss and remember those days and weeks where the grief was fresh and surreal. The best advice anyone gave me on grief is that it’s like riding a scary roller coaster in the thick fog. There will be extreme highs and extreme lows and you will have no clue when they will hit. It could be the first time you see a sign for Mother’s Day cards in the store or a time where you walk next to someone that smells like your sweet mother, you just never know. Please know that I’m praying for you and sending love from Indiana. I wish there were words that would help with your heartbreak, but I know from experience, there are none. Thinking of you. <3, Chels

  17. Teagan says:

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this piece. For 6 long months I have struggled to find the words to come to terms with the loss of my mother and you have summed everything I wanted to say in this piece.. now 6 months later, pregnant with my first child and mums first grandchild I am finally content and reassured for reading this.. thank you

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Teagan, Thank you so much for taking the time to send this sweet message. I hate that we share this grief but am so humbled that you have found comfort in my words. Prayers and blessings to you and your sweet baby. I will be thinking of you during this extremely joyful time, knowing that you’ll be missing such an important person! Hopefully you will keep coming back to find something that reaches your heart. xox, Chels

  18. Felice Fernandez says:

    Reading this was a nice awakening for me. My mom has been gone since Nov. 2017, and my life has been without meaning since. Your writing has awakened me somewhat. Thank you so much.

  19. Kelly says:

    Thank you for writing this! I lost my mother two months ago. My friend sent me this article as I have been struggling to put into words all that I have been feeling. New waves of anxiety that weren’t there before. The thing is, my mother and I had a challenging relationship. I was so much closer to my father who died seven years ago yesterday. So since my mother passed it has been so heartbreaking. I think I honestly believed that having lived through it once before, with a parents I was closer to, that I would have this under control. I don’t :). I am now an “adult orphan”. And thankfully my mother and I had the best conversation we had ever had when she told me everything I wished I had heard her say throughout my 40 years. I realized way too late how many great qualities I got from my mother and ironically the ones I found the most frustrating about her. I am strong, independent and can handle my business. This comes from her. And she pushed me always. Hard. To make sure I was better than her. She told me I was the mother she always dreamed of being. I feel so cheated because of what relationship we could have had. I am sad and anxious and overwhelmed all things I am regularly not. I know in time things will get better and I have such great friends and a wonderful husband and the most amazing little girls. Parenting children who are grieving is also a very difficult thing. My mother may have had challenges being a mom but she was the most amazing Nonna to her Grands, as she called them. I sent my husband this article because it was everything I have been feeling yet didn’t have the words for. He always tells me I am the strongest person he has ever met. But having to watch my mother die for a week and a half and watch her from sitting up and talking to me to comatose and unresponsive was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I sat by her bedside in hospice for hours sometimes twice a day. She had cancer but it was a kind that when diagnosed she was never supposed to die from, she was supposed to die with. Then it all happened so quickly. A stupid mutation and it was all over in three weeks. Anyway, My husband said it helped a lot to help him understand what I have been trying to tell him and didn’t have the words for. So for this I thank you.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Kelly, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Unfortunately, we share this heartbreak. We even share the swift death of our mothers, as mine was a week of torture and unexpected loss from cancer as well. She was supposed to have years left and it took months, and then eventually a week that we never expected. You sound like a strong and exceptional woman and I am so honored that you read and appreciated my work. Thank you for that. I hope you keep coming back and reading. I tend to write about my grief a lot. There are several other pieces on my page you might find helpful. In the meantime, I will be lifting you up in positive energy and prayer. Thank you again for writing such a kind and insightful comment! xox, Chels

  20. Chelsea–
    You took the words right out of my heart. Every bit of emotion you show here is exactly what I’ve been feeling for 9 years now.

    I would like to use your words in a YouTube video. If that’s ok, please let me know. charredfibers(at)gmail(dot)com

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Janie, Thank you so much for your sweet comment and thanks for reading my work! Email me with your ideas for using my words and I will look it over! Thanks so much! xox, Chels (hopeandharshrealities@gmail.com)

  21. Heather says:

    Lost my dad is 2017 and my mom in 2018. This is spot on × 2 in my life. Sending big hugs and so much love, this journey is a tough one.

  22. Morgan says:

    As the anniversary of my mother’s unexpected passing approaches, I struggle. Your words have been able to express every emotion that I’ve felt without being able to tell anyone “what’s wrong”. My therapist suggested I write a letter to my mom. She wants me to tell her everything I would have said, if I had been given the chance to say goodbye. I can’t bring myself to write this letter. Even after 3 years, I’m still not ready to tell her goodbye.
    Thank you for your words and your heart.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading my work and for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. I hate we share this heartbreak, as it is never-ending. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way as you head into the anniversary of your mother’s passing. I know how difficult that anniversary is.
      I’m so honored that my words resonated with you. It means more to me than I can explain! I hope you’ll keep coming back and reading more. xox, Chels

  23. Alexandra says:

    Your words ring so true. I lost my mother suddenly three years ago. I would give anything to have one more day with her, though an eternity of “one more day” would not be enough. I have spent a lot of time thinking about days spent away, times I should have been more patient. But I also have some wonderful memories. My husband and I took her to a concert and she jumped up into the aisle during the finale to dance. Just a week later, the night before she had a sudden cardiac arrest, my daughter (who had just arrived home from college) and I made a last minute decision to go to a wine and design paint class. Mom joined us for a spontaneous evening together. I’m so grateful we had such a great time the last few months of her life.

  24. Donna Casasanta says:

    Chelsea,
    My best friend lost her mother 5 months ago and posted The Day She Dies. At the time my mother was still with me then she recently passed 7 weeks ago. Reading your story before I lost her moved me. Reading it after, well I can’t put into words the poignancy of it but I know you will understand what it meant to me. This morning after having my first dream of her which felt like a gift from her, I felt this need to write your story down word for word, taking in all that it is. I will treasure it always. I so look forward to reading more of your posts. Your new friend I hope, and fan…Donna.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Donna, This message brought me to tears for so many reasons. First, thank you for reading my work and for taking the time to comment such a beautiful message. Knowing my writing can resonate with others and be appreciated for the heart and soul that I pour into it is such a true blessing. Getting messages like this is the exact reason I write. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here and supporting my writing adventure. It is appreciated more than you know. Thinking of you as you enter your grief journey, a never-ending adventure that will teach you so much about the love that you were blessed with. xox, Chels

  25. Chrissy says:

    I lost my mom June 6, 2019. I found her hardly breathing on the 4th, the day after my birthday. Words can’t even express how much it hurts to breathe but I have some comfort in knowing that I am not the only that feels this deep pain! Your story was moving and I loved every word, you have written the reality of this long hard journey we are all on. Thank you for sharing!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading my work and for taking the time to send such a kind message! I hope you’ll keep coming back. xox, Chels

  26. Derrick r kearney says:

    I have felt every bit of this. Mom passed April of 2016. You could say the world officially ended at that moment because nothing has been the same since. Hug to you and thank you for this beautiful writing. 💜🔥

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading my work and for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment! It means a lot, as my writing comes from the heart! I hope you’ll keep coming back! <3, Chels

  27. Rachel Pipe says:

    Chelsea,
    Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece. My Mum passed away last Saturday and I haven’t been able to put into words how unimaginable the pain is, this has given me alot of comfort. She most definitely is my beautiful angel.
    Rachel x

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for writing such a kind message. I’m so glad you were able to resonate with the words that pour from my heart. I hate that we share this heartbreak and I will be thinking of you! I hope you’ll keep coming back! <3, Chels

  28. Jennie says:

    I lost my mom, my lifelong best friend, on May 2, 2019, when I was 62 and she was 84. I cannot tell you the number of times I have picked up my phone to call or text her…and then it hits me like a ton of bricks that I can never do that again. I read this post on a very blue day…and sobbed through the entire thing, totally identifying with every word. Thank you for reminding me about my “beautiful angel” and for knowing every single emotion that I have felt since she took her last breath here on earth and her first one in Heaven.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading the work that pours from my heart. It means so much! You taking the time to write such a heartfelt comment truly is the reason why I write. I take my story and my heartbreak and I share it with the world in case others can relate and need words for the emotions locked inside their heart. Thank you for being here and reading my work! <3, Chels

  29. Sue says:

    I have struggled with the death of my sweet Mom since January 4, 2016 at 2:45 PM. She was my best girlfriend. I never thought I could grieve so hard or miss anyone so much. “The Day She Dies” says it all perfectly – and, it gives me comfort. I’m so sorry you lost your sweet Mom, too.

    Sue

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Sue, thank you for being here and reading the words that pour from my heart. I appreciate it more than you know. I hope you’ll keep coming back and finding comfort in my words. Sending you thoughts as you continue to walk your journey with grief. <3, Chels

  30. Nancy says:

    As I wipe away my tears, I want to thank you for verbalizing exactly all the mixed emotions I have felt in the past 18 months since my beloved mom passed away. She was taken from us only 3 months after being diagnosed with cancer. There are no words to console a daughter who loses her mom, especially one who was too young. No one can truly understand unless they’ve experienced the same loss of a parent they were super close with. Mine was the kindest person I ever met and the best role model I could have had. I know I was blessed to have her as a mom, but I just wish I had for a while longer. Miss you & love you always, Mom.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Yes! I feel the exact same way. <3 Thank you so much for being here and reading my heartfelt work. I appreciate it more than you know. <3, Chels

  31. Loretta Tweed says:

    ~hugs~<3
    It was twenty-nine years ago on Boxing Day that I lost my Beloved Mom…Fourth Christmas without my Beautiful Daughter Brittany.
    I love your writing. It's from the heart.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for reading my work and for taking the time to write such a sweet comment. I hope you keep coming back! Have a blessed day. <3, Chels

  32. Terri says:

    Hi Chelsea. I stumbled upon you when my friend shared a FB post, which was the day after I learned my mom has a brain tumor, metastasized from lung cancer & her fight has been complicated by heart issues. Your words have been both inspirational & comforting. It’s as if you’re inside my head, knowing all my feelings & emotions. Thank you for being brave enough to put your thoughts on paper, giving me so much to think about as I help my mom battle on.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Terri, I’m so glad you found my page. My heart physically aches to hear of the health issues your mother is facing. In these moments, and hardships, be patient with yourself. Your heart and soul are aching in new ways. Ways you’ve never experienced before. It’s ok to feel it all. It’s ok to NOT be ok. Take pictures, soak up as much that remains, even in the hardest of days and times. You won’t regret it. And if you ever need someone, I’m here. I know the unique heartbreak of losing a mother, and also the heartbreak of watching a mother get sick with disease. You are being prayed for fiercely and I’m sending you comforting thoughts. I hope you’ll keep coming back to my page when you need comfort and guidance. xox, Chels

  33. Rachel Cook says:

    This is one of THE MOST beautiful and powerful things I have ever read. I want to put this in a tiny book and gift it to my son. He is 19 and just graduated high school. I’m softly letting him grow and slowly explaining to him the importance of securing his future, being the best person he can be, loving, caring, empathetic, strong, patient and kind. To always think about others and how they may be feeling. Never assume knowing what one person went to bed dealing with, while another wakes up not wanting to deal. Never live with regrets and always return an “I love you”. Thank you so so much for sharing from your own heart and experiences.

  34. Rachel Cook says:

    This is one of THE MOST beautiful and powerful things I have ever read. I want to put this in a tiny book and gift it to my son. He is 19 and just graduated high school. I’m softly letting him grow and slowly explaining to him the importance of securing his future, being the best person he can be, loving, caring, empathetic, strong, patient and kind. To always think about others and how they may be feeling. Never assume knowing what one person went to bed dealing with, while another wakes up not wanting to deal. Never live with regrets and always return an “I love you”. Thank you so so much for sharing from your own heart and experiences. I’m so sorry for your loss, your mother was a beautiful woman and you mirror her with your beautiful words.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much, Rachel! I appreciate your kind words and your compassionate support of my writing journey!!!! Thank you for reading my work and taking the time to comment. <3, Chels

  35. Brandy says:

    This is so raw, beautiful, powerful, and accurate. The pain of losing our beloved moms is indescribable, yet you described it perfectly and eloquently. Thank you for sharing.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much for these kind words. They mean so much to me. I hate we share this heartbreak and feel honored that you have found my page. Have a wonderful day, friend! <3, Chels

  36. Rhonda Lang says:

    Your words have found their way to a FB grief group. I then googled part of it to locate authorship. I posted your link and name so others can find their way here. These words are so powerful. I just lost my mother May 4th of this year. I’m still struggling. Thank you for sharing your grief and pain and love and strength.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Rhonda, thank you so so so much for taking the time to locate authorship and then tell others about it. I appreciate it more than you know. As a writer, that is such a powerful thing for us, when others know our work and can tell others how to find it. You are a beautiful soul and I’m appreciative of your efforts to credit me and lead others to my heart’s work. I am lifting you in fierce prayer of hope, comfort and love. My Facebook page is another great place to connect with my work. Honored you’re here though I hate that we share this heartbreak. xox, Chels

  37. Karen says:

    Absolutely a beautiful and profound post about the loss of your mother. It resonates with me as my own passed away just over 7 weeks ago. Even when you know it is coming, nothing truly prepares us for the loss of a loved one. Especially not that of a mother.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Karen, thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them more than you know. My writing comes straight from my heart and straight from my messy grief experience. I am lifting you in fierce comfort, peace and love as you begin your grief journey. You are not alone. I pray you find continued encouragement through my work (and you can lookup my Facebook page too). Hugs. xx, Chels

  38. Anita Ware says:

    This is do true.
    The day my Mom died a piece of my heart broke and went with her.
    I miss her everyday and remember her and love her.

  39. Tammy Toler says:

    My Mom has been gone going on 3 years and this is the truest thing I have ever read. I’m currently crying my eyes out it’s exactly how I feel and I could never put it in words. Thank you for sharing this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  40. Kayla Morris says:

    I just lost my mom on Dec 21 without warning. She was my best friend. Was just the 2 of us for 20 years after my dad left and before I met the man I married. I’m so completely lost without her. Thank you for this message because it’s hard to explain it to people that haven’t gone thru this. I’m still broken and it’s still so raw.

  41. Monica says:

    This is 100%true. This is everything that I wanted to say since my mom died but could not put the words in place. Thank you so much for sharing. It is so beautiful. Blessings to you.

    Monica Rice

  42. Melissa says:

    I too have experienced this pain. My mother died almost 6 years ago and it still feels like it was yesterday. Grief sneaks up on you sometimes out of the blue and pulls you right back in. You find yourself sitting there in a heap of tears and say, “wow, where did that come from”! I’m glad that she was my best friend and that I have all of our precious memories to look back on. Thank you for sharing this writing with us. I pray you find peace and comfort in the love that surrounds you now.

  43. Keight says:

    My mom just unexpectedly died November 14, 2021. She was the only family that I had left besides my 13-year-old son. I recently came across this and it made me break down all over again because it’s just so true. A whole part of me is just gone. I feel different, my brain is functioning differently. I let people go in my life that I thought I never would because of it. I miss my mom so much. I now understand why people commit suicide when they lose someone that close to them. If I didn’t have my son, somebody would have been planning my funeral as well. I think she knew that… Which is why she was getting on me in my late twenties to have a baby already. She knew I was going to need someone after she was gone because there wouldn’t be anyone else besides God. Thank you for writing this.

  44. Susan Chang says:

    I just read this and every word resonated with me. I lost my mom in April 2021 and still am so very sad every single day. I have no living brothers or sisters so it left me “a orphan” in every sense of the word. I want to share this on facebook and will credit your incredible ability with words. Thank you.

  45. Kathy says:

    Very beautiful I just lost my mom in October of 2021 I’m still going threw all the emotional parts can’t believe she is gone shouldn’t be gone just don’t know how to move on. I miss her so much.

  46. Kathy M McElroy says:

    Very beautiful I just lost my mom in October 11 2021. I am still going threw the emotions and trying to figure out why she isn’t still here I miss her soooooo much. I am sorry for your lost I know how I fill losing my mom.

  47. Mellie says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. So beautifully written and very true. I so needed to read this having loss my mother 3 months ago. This will stay with me as I navigate my life without her

  48. Honey says:

    I have never seen it out so perfectly! You hit the nail on the head. The only thing I would add to this as part of my grieving process is ‘out of nowhere the reality of her being gone will sneak up and randomly hit you hard in a gut wrenching way. Then you will feel the same unbearable pain you felt the moment she passed away which is a very distinct pain’.
    Thank you for sharing with us. The is simply beautifully written!

  49. Holly Murnane says:

    My Mother passed away on Dec 12th, 2013. Her passing forever changed me, my world, and my whole existence. Your beautiful post has basically described so eloquently the emotions I felt and continue to feel since her passing. Thank you for that. This is a post that I will cherish and will share with others who have gone through this grief as well. I pray for Gods blessing on your journey as you continue to heal. 🙏🏻

  50. Robin says:

    My 93 year old Momma has dementia/Alzheimer’s. It’s breaking my heart. I just read your post ,”The Day She Died” and I can’t stop crying. I would love to have a copy of this. Is that possible? There is no one like your Momma. Thank you for sharing your most intimate thoughts. May God bless you. I am so sorry about your Mother.

  51. Renee says:

    Love this I recently lost my mom in May unexpectedly and this post right here hit home thank you so much for this

  52. SONYA says:

    This is the best description of losing my very best friend & soulmate. My mother was the most amazing woman. She was always there for her children & loved us unconditionally. I miss her more than anything. It’s been 6 yrs without her. She passed quickly of cancer. Thank you for writing what I feel but unable to describe. We are all part of the motherless club. No one knows until they actually go through it. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece. ❤️

  53. Beatriz Pereda says:

    This is such a beautiful writing. Very befitting of a wonderful Mother that has passed away.

  54. Dianna says:

    I just happened to read this from a friends post from FB. My mom passed 2/13/21. This pat year has been the toughest of my life and your words have described every feeling and thoughts that have come across my mind. Writing has become a habit for me as it helps me stay closer to my mom and also a way to get some feelings out. I’ve never felt so alone and surrounded by so much love at the same time. Thank you for your words. You said everything that I hve been feeling this past year. I’m am so lost in life right now just going taking it day by day and surviving. As we come up to her 1st year being gone all these feelings and memories up to the day she passed us come back with a vengeance. Reading your words is comforting. Thank you for sharing. Your momma is proud of you. You’ve patched up a piece of my heart with your beautiful words. Thank you.

  55. PJ says:

    Lovely tribute to your mom. There are, however, truly “motherless daughters,” like me, who lost our mothers at tender, early ages, & never got to experience the blessings that you did. We envy you. Sometimes, we even resent you, b/c we feel so cheated.

    There is a wonderful book: Motherless Daughters, written by a woman w/that firsthand experience. She truly understands how much grieving must occur for the baby, child, adolescent, or teen who has either no memory or very few memories of her: mommy, mom, mother, & how much we missed her during all of the special days & the ordinary days. Mine was killed by a drunk driver when she was 31 years old, & I was 4 months old. Did I suffer? Oh, yes, but the real tragedy there was my older sister, who was 8 at the time. She lost the world as she knew it, & was never the same.

  56. Rose Gallegos says:

    What a poignant piece. I lost my mother when I was 30, she was 59. I’ve felt every emotion.

  57. Joanna Elizabeth Beske says:

    This is so moving. I am a pastor, may I use this please for funerals?

  58. Maria says:

    Chelsea I cried through every single sentence you wrote, my lovely M💗M died almost 3 yrs ago at 97. I lived with her my whole life and for many yrs I was finding myself doing more & more for her, it was tough but I didn’t mind.
    Suddenly the roles had been reversed….I had become the “mom”.
    Somehow I managed to work a full time job, take care of her & everything else all by myself even though I have 3 brothers in the same state.
    The day she died….I didn’t go to work for a month, I wanted to reach her to be laying next to her, I joined a bereavement group but most of the ladies there had lost a husband and I almost felt like they didn’t understand the severity of my heart ache for loosing a mom.
    I felt like I had to explain to a lot of people the reason of my grief : We had lived together my whole life I would say…after all I never got married, never had kids, my nephews & nieces not close consequently no one to confort me. She was all I had….I never found during my constant suffering someone that felt my same sorrow of loosing a “M💗THER” until now you felt exactly what I felt, thank you for describing it in such a loving & emotional way!

  59. Belinda says:

    Never have I had a better understanding on the loss of my mother 13 yrs ago like I do now after reading your words. I didn’t realize until now how many tears I had been holding back. I actually have now grieved the proper way and can let her rest in peace. THANK YOU is not enough but that’s all I know to say. Thank you for sharing your own grief with the world, with me and helping me set my emotions free. Our mothers….may they RIP 💔

  60. Lisa says:

    My cousin just sent me this bc my mom passed on December 31, 2021. She is truly missed. Thank you for writing this. It very much applies to my mom and it helps me work through my feelings and grief.

  61. Maurina Berardelli says:

    Everything you said in that piece was spot on. I lost my mom suddenly 34 years ago, she was 70 and I was 40, but it seems like only yesterday! She was my best friend and I was so mad at god for taking her away from me! All I asked for was another hug, and one night she came to me in a dream and hugged me and told me to not call anyone else to see her! I always think of her every day, she’s with me in everything I do! ❤️

  62. Carolyn says:

    I lost my Mother many years ago.
    In the last four years I have lost Two of my Daughters…The Hardest Times I have ever been through.
    🙏

  63. Richie says:

    Thank you so much for your beautiful writing. It was shared on fb. Tears are pouring …it captured all the emotions I am feeling about my loss. My mother passed away 2 months ago at the hospital. My father, me and my siblings were blessed to be at her bedside at her last hour. Nobody can ever prepare for a death of a mother. The pain of grief is too real.

  64. Peggy says:

    Thank you for expressing words I could never bring to life. Every single line is heartbreakingly true. I lost my mom in 2013 and being the baby (at 55) it is still extremely hard. I am close to my daughters and if it’s ok, I would like to leave this with my important papers to be read when I’m gone. I can’t even imagine losing one of them before me.
    Thank you so much again❤️

  65. Linda H. says:

    Simply beautiful! I lost both my parents 4 months apart in 2019. Everything you wrote is spot on. I feel your words represent how I feel about both my parents. Thank you for eloquently putting into words, how I feel too.

  66. Debbie Scarborough says:

    This is so beautiful and so very true. I lost my mother August 2020, very unexpectedly. It is so hard to fathom living without your mother, but somehow we manage to keep on. This really touches my heart and describes how it feels. Grief ebbs and flows and hits a big waves. Thank you for this!

  67. Dorothy says:

    This is by far the best and most meaningful post I’ve read about losing a mother. You have a true gift for writing and I’m so glad you’re momma made you aware of it and encouraged you to pursue it. Thank you you for sharing your heart, strength, courage with us. I lost my mom right before Christmas in 2014. I miss her every single day. I hope you keep writing

  68. Billy Cannon says:

    I know God must have given you such heartbroken words. I told my friend who shared with me your words that You read my heart. I have never been able to put into words what I felt that day. I was 54 years old. I had never felt so alone.God Bless You and Yours..

  69. LInda Milroy says:

    Beautiful, heart felt. It is a real gift to be able to write with such truth and feelings. So very true, thank you.
    I lost both parents a few years apart, as difficult as it was the most devastating to me was loosing my love after being married for over 45years. No loss is easy, when you love greatly you grieve greatly.

  70. Vicki says:

    Your beautiful words brought so much meaning to me. My precious Momma passed away less than a year ago after living with me for ten years. I am an only child and she truly was my best friend. Some days I cry because I long to talk with her so much but in my wonderful memories I can hear her sweet words and hear her laughter. Her hugs were the very best. She is with my Dad and my Grandmother and someday I will join them. She raised me to know that life goes on and we must make more memories and enjoy more laughter. It doesn’t mean we forget because we never will💖

  71. Amanda Smith says:

    Thank you for this. I lost my mom 29 days ago. This is so spot on, thank you for writing this down in such a poignant way. It’s exactly how I feel but couldn’t write it down. You have such a beautiful talent with words. I’m going to print it and keep it on my desk until I can get through the day.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Amanda, I’m wrapping you in so much love, comfort and hope from afar. Thank you for your kind and supportive words. xox, Chels

  72. Julie Dempster says:

    I lost my mother 3 weeks ago, and I just have no words! This is so spot on…exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for sharing this! ♥️

  73. Kathy Cashatt says:

    I can’t believe a friend shared this with me today. Today has been one year that I lost my sweet Mama. I look at her picture every day no matter much it breaks my heart again. I didn’t have any time to prepare losing her. She got sick. Went to the hospital. Her organs started shutting down. Hospice was called in. She was taken to my house where she died in less than 24 hours. She was only sick for four days. I still feel like I’m in shock! I had just lost my dad. He was I’ll for several years so I just thought it would be that way with Mama.
    Thank you for writing this! I wish I had it in a frame. I have to act fine. I have to act like things are ok. I fake it. I cry alone for her by myself. My family is very good but I feel like I can’t bring them into my pain.

  74. Beth P. says:

    Oh this hit me hard. It was perfect for how I feel right now. I lost my precious mother in March and I am heartbroken. Thank you for sharing this!

  75. Ruth Hirsch says:

    Chelsea l wish l had the skill of the writer you are! “The Day She Died” reached all the way to my soul. The pain is still there! l cried the entire time I read it! Today l am 76 yrs old and my beautiful mother died in childbirth at the age of 38. For days l walked around in a state of profound insensitivity! The hole left in my heart has never healed even though over 60 years hav gone by! Chelsea l just happened upon this post and believe that the Holy Spirit led me to it! What a heartwarming yet heart wrenching story. I was only 11 yrs old when she passed away in childbirth and was the oldest of 8 children! Thank you for sharing your experience. You wrote perfectly the words l wish l had the talent to write.

  76. Christy says:

    This is beautiful and tragic. I feel as if you’ve been peering into my life.

    I lost my mama 10 years ago and my grandma stepped in to help me grieve and heal and carry on with life. Grandma had always been my biggest cheerleader and loudest supporter. She was my heart, after mama died she was everything to me. Right before Christmas of 2020 I lost her a mere four months after pop. I loved them both so much. The grief of losing the 3 of them is still overwhelming. Life will never be the same and some days it feels like the sun isn’t even shining anymore. It’s funny how it comes in waves. I come from a long line of strong women, but I feel anything but strong.

    THANK YOU for sharing your words with others. Thanks for capturing a piece of my heart as well.

  77. Michele says:

    This is so beautiful yet so very sad. It touched every fiber of my being. I lost my Mom two years ago and the feelings are still so raw they hurt. Yet reading this was also heartwarming when I reached the last segment of the post. Thank you so much for this post, Chelsea. It does a body good to have a good cry now and again. And this post brought back some really wonderful memories of my sweet, dear Momma…my best friend.

  78. Gemma says:

    Until now I didn’t think anyone else could understand that feeling of a piece dying, when your mum dies. I haven’t found my people unfortunately and still nearly 2 years later search for some Kind of explanation and the disbelief is still strong. My remaining parent has moved on, so I feel alone. Not quite sure what to do, or how to act, how to live without her. Some days I feel like I’m really doing a bad job as a mother, as I am distant, distracted and sad. So very sad. Counselling has been done. They can’t help any further. I just need to learn to live with my grief and without the most beautiful person I have ever known. My mum as you can probably tell was a wonderful mum. She loved me fiercely and gave me the most wonderful morals on how to live my life. She was never cross, never angry. Just loving, just kind, just generous, just everything.
    I am glad I found your words because they mimick my own feelings but also gave me a vessel to express my own story by typing this reply. I hav somewhere to lay my feelings for a bit. Thank you for that and also to all the other people replying to your words. All in this horrible motherless boat. Keep strong. Brave the next wave and embrace the moments when waters are still.

  79. Shenise K says:

    Thank you for this beautiful piece. I often tell someone that I will never be the person I was before October 28, 2011. They never understand. I went from living to existing. Holidays are hard. Birthdays are hard. Triumphs seem to be a little more dull. The problem is, we had a complicated relationship. In the 41 years I had her, I heard her criticism all the time. A few weeks ago, one of my girlfriends told me about a conversation she had with my mom at one of the plays I was in. she said “While your mom may have been critical to you, she beamed with pride and told everyone how smart and bright you are.” You know what hurt the most? Finding out second hand that she was proud of me…after thinking all this time I could never do anything right.

  80. I somehow ran across this today & it hit home. Today is my mom’s Birthday & Friday she will be gone 2 years. Everything you wrote is so very true. Some days I struggle to get out of bed. I miss her so much.. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you!

  81. Robin says:

    My mother is dying. I would like to read this at her memorial service if it’s ok with you. I’m an only child and lost my father in November 2021. Six months later, here I am again. I can feel the alone-ness already.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Robin, I’m honored you’d like to use my words. You have my permission to read this, when you need it, and most of all, I’m sorry you need it. xox I’m lifting you in love and support from afar.

  82. Donna Burke says:

    I never wanted to be a motherless daughter…yet, here I am. The ache that I feel never ever goes away…it is sometimes less noticeable for a moment or two but it always comes back. I didn’t realize how important it was to share about the ups and downs of my life with her, someone who listened, gave advice, helped me talk things out, and never judged. I will never have that again and I detest that I took that for granted…There is part of me now that longs for that kind of relationship with my daughter but I don’t want her to feel this kind of pain after I am gone…

  83. Robin says:

    Thank you so much for your reply. Mom passed May 17th. I am an only child and list my father November 2021. The aloneness I feel has surprised me. My mother-in-law passed on May 18th so I’ll be sharing your words with my sisters and brothers-in-law, also.

  84. Mary-Ann Smith says:

    I lost my dad in 2000 and after taking care of my mom who broke her back the year after my dad died and was home bedridden I got so close with my mom in the last 6 years before she died but she wanted to be with my dad so I’m happy for her although it hurts terribly. My dad was my world and I thought the day he died that I couldnt take another step. They are together and I’m sure happy no matter how much it hurts at times

  85. Cindy says:

    I lost my mom last year and have been annihilated. Someone just shared your post with me and it is 1000% spot on. I’m so sorry for your loss to. Thank you for your perfect words.

  86. Steph says:

    I can not thank you enough for sharing this beautiful message.
    Thank you, truely.

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Chelsea Ohlemiller

Chelsea Ohlemiller

A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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