The Heartbreak of a Great First Day

August 1, 2019

He turned and walked into his kindergarten classroom, almost without a kiss. He’s not scared. He’s not anxious. He’s excited. He’s radiating a confidence that is almost unrecognizable considering he’s only 5. 

Five. He’s only five, yet he’s so poised and calm. He is ready for this adventure. He’s so ready to be a kindergartener. I’m not sure my mom heart is ready for this stage of growing up. It’s the stage where they start to need you less and less. That is both brutal and breathtakingly beautiful.

I leave his classroom thrilled. I also leave a bit heartbroken. He no longer needs the extra kiss he once did to start his day. He no longer needs the extra hug and the extra “I love you”. He no longer needs me to comfort him and assure him things will be ok. He has learned that he will have a great day of learning and then see me when it’s all finished. I’m so proud of the self-assured boy that he has become, but I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that I’m also heartbroken that he no longer needs the kisses, hugs and “I love you’s” the way he once did. 

The goal has always been for him to have roots and wings. I didn’t realize that at the age of 5, his wings would have him soaring higher and higher, more confident with each stride. I didn’t realize that kindergarten would be the start of his becoming.

As I leave the school, I’m comforted by my husband’s words. I’m comforted by the smile on my boy’s face as he meets new friends. I am overwhelmingly proud of the sweet boy that I have raised. I am proud of the way he heads into a new adventure ready to charge, ready to learn, ready to soak it all up. 

I am so proud that I have raised a boy that knows I will be there when he’s done doing big things. 

But I also miss the little boy that needed his mama’s extra kisses, extra hugs, extra “I love you’s”. 

He has roots and wings, just as I always hoped for. I just didn’t realize that his wings would be fully developed in kindergarten. 

But, he’s ready…so I’ll sit back and watch him fly.

xox, Chels

1 comments so far.

One response to “The Heartbreak of a Great First Day”

  1. Sue hanswll says:

    Yes, I can certainly relate. I was always afraid that I would want to hold them back when they were ready to go to college, but I let go pretty easily. The 1st. boy’s going to college is the one that really hit me hard.
    Enjoy all of the firsts that you have coming.
    Enjoy your writings, Chelsae

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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