Mom, the holidays are approaching and I need you.
The first year you were gone was a blur. The second was a hectic mix of chaos and heartbreak. This year, it’s getting real. It’s getting undeniable.
There’s a turkey to make and dinners to plan and I’m lost without you. I never expected to be the kind of adult that hosted these gatherings without you.
How did you do it all? You made it look effortless. I’m consumed with scheduling, planning, and preparing each holiday event.
I need you.
I was still learning. Paying attention to your traditions and recipes, but not ready to do it alone.
Now, I sit here trying to recreate everything you did. I put in a good effort, but nothing is the same. Traditions are changing. Some are even falling apart, no matter how hard we cling to them.
I need you.
I cry. I pray. I do the best I can. But the reality is, I need you. We need you.
You are missed and things aren’t the same. For as much sadness and heartbreak surrounds us, there is beauty too.
We still talk about you, and all that made you special. We reminisce of the fun and the memories. Your face and name decorate our tree to ensure you are never forgotten or ignored.
We keep you alive in as many ways as possible, but we still need you. The truth is, we always will.
That’s the bitterness of grief. It can’t be changed or undone. But neither can the love you left us with.
Happy holidays in heaven, Mom.
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.