They smile as they walk past me. To me they are strangers, but to each other, I know they belong to one another in beautiful ways. I can immediately tell they are mother and daughter. When you’ve known that one-of-a-kind connection, it’s easy to notice in others. It’s a connection I share so much differently now that my mother has left this world. I grin back at them as I feel a sting of grief and wonder what it feels like to be the kind of woman that still has a mother.
I wonder who I’d be today if I still had my mother here with me. I wonder how I’d be different, or the same, if I were still a woman with her mother.
Losing my mother changed me. It changed my future, my goals, my hopes and my dreams. It changed everything.
I wonder who I’d be if I still had my mother.
I wonder what kind of heart and soul I’d hold, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different carved by love and radiant influence instead of grief and an empty space.
I wonder what kind of mother I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different with a role model beside me versus the legacy in which I hold. It would surely look different with a visible influence instead of an invisible one.
I wonder what kind of friend I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different not being known for the heavy and invisible weight that I carry instead of the fun-loving girl that I used to be.
I wonder what kind of wife I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different having a mother to witness your love story.
I wonder what kind of neighbor, church-goer, professional, leader and personality I’d be and hold if I was still the kind of woman with a mother.
Grief is powerful and unpredictable. It comes and asks questions you can’t answer and demands outcomes that can’t materialize.
Today grief showed up and has me wondering who I’d be if I was the kind of woman who still had a mother.
A mother here, in the flesh.
A mother with a life instead of a legacy.
A mother who hasn’t met eternity yet.
I guess I’ll never know the woman I’d be if I was the kind of woman who still had a mother.
A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.
You are an amazing writer
Keep writing and helping us all who have lost our mothers and are searching for answers
Help us see the light through your writings
Gayle, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for this kind and supportive comment. It truly made my day. I can’t explain how appreciative I am that you not only read my work but took time out of your day to send me this sweet message. Thank you! xox, Chels
You are an amazing writer. Thank you for putting the grief of losing our mothers into words that not all of us can find. So much of what you write are the same things I feel. My mama was my rock and best friend. I lost her 11/27/21. It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Nothing will ever be the same. Please keep doing what you are doing.
Your words touched my heart and soul. I have always watched and wondered what it would be like to have a mom, as mine passed when I was only 14 years old. I hated Mother’s Day, as I went to the cemetery while all my friends went to brunch….no one to hug or thank or give flowers to. No mom to laugh with or cry with. As the years passed I wondered more and more who I would have been had I had a mom and who my mom was, as at age 14, I certainly did not know. Thank you for “getting it”.