They smile as they walk past me. To me they are strangers, but to each other, I know they belong to one another in beautiful ways. I can immediately tell they are mother and daughter. When you’ve known that one-of-a-kind connection, it’s easy to notice in others. It’s a connection I share so much differently now that my mother has left this world. I grin back at them as I feel a sting of grief and wonder what it feels like to be the kind of woman that still has a mother.
I wonder who I’d be today if I still had my mother here with me. I wonder how I’d be different, or the same, if I were still a woman with her mother.
Losing my mother changed me. It changed my future, my goals, my hopes and my dreams. It changed everything.
I wonder who I’d be if I still had my mother.
I wonder what kind of heart and soul I’d hold, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different carved by love and radiant influence instead of grief and an empty space.
I wonder what kind of mother I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different with a role model beside me versus the legacy in which I hold. It would surely look different with a visible influence instead of an invisible one.
I wonder what kind of friend I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different not being known for the heavy and invisible weight that I carry instead of the fun-loving girl that I used to be.
I wonder what kind of wife I’d be today, if I still had my mother.
It would surely look different having a mother to witness your love story.
I wonder what kind of neighbor, church-goer, professional, leader and personality I’d be and hold if I was still the kind of woman with a mother.
Grief is powerful and unpredictable. It comes and asks questions you can’t answer and demands outcomes that can’t materialize.
Today grief showed up and has me wondering who I’d be if I was the kind of woman who still had a mother.
A mother here, in the flesh.
A mother with a life instead of a legacy.
A mother who hasn’t met eternity yet.
I guess I’ll never know the woman I’d be if I was the kind of woman who still had a mother.
A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.