Today You Hurt, Eventually You Heal

November 8, 2019

You hurt like you’ve never hurt before. You want to scream. You want to run. You want to speak to God directly and demand answers. Your mind repeats “Why?” a million times. You never get an answer. 

For a moment, you’re breathless. You cry. You panic. You beg, you plead. You demand for it all to be a mistake, a dream. You sit there, paralyzed with pain, with fear, with confusion. 

They’re gone. Taken from you. No longer here. You are immediately different. 

Instantly, you are broken into pieces that you will never get back. Pieces that are so shattered, you couldn’t possibly find them all if you tried. 

You look at everyone around you, hurting too. You’re speechless. You’re terrified. You’re angry. You’re heartbroken. 

You wonder how this is possible. You wonder why this is your reality. In a matter of seconds your world has drastically changed. Your mind becomes a jumbled mess of things you wish you would have said and things you wish you would have done. Suddenly you question everything, each memory, each moment. 

Your life has changed forever. You just lost one of the most important people in your life. The world is a little less joyful and a little less blessed. A huge chunk of your heart has been removed, without your consent. Your soul has just been ripped open, raw and exposed. 

You are different now, and will remain different. This loss will never make sense. The “why?” will never be answered. You will love differently and live differently. 

I tell you these things because I’ve been there. I’ve felt your pain and know your heartbreak. The relief is in the rising. You see, I’m further on my path, so I can see beyond the raw and bleeding ache and pain. I can see through the shock and destruction. 

I can see the beauty in the remembrance, and the honor in the memories. One day, you will too. 

Today you are consumed with devastation and despair. Eventually, miles and miles down the road of grief, you’ll start to feel less broken by loss, and more beautifully blessed by a special love. 

Today it’s too new, too fresh, too unbelievable. But as someone once told me, “As each day unfolds, you’ll see less of the shadows and more of the sun.”

xox, Chels

4 comments so far.

4 responses to “Today You Hurt, Eventually You Heal”

  1. Christa Holder says:

    I’m angry, angry with God. He took the most precious, valuable diamond from me. She was my everything, she understood me like no one else. And she loved me unconditionally with all my faults. It’s feels like my heart is ripped out, sometimes I can’t breathe. I walked the last few steps with her, and then she was gone. Im drowning, there is no use in going on without my mother. Is it possible to love someone so much? I’m reading about your pain and what you have been through. The words “it will get better in time makes me even more angry. How do they know. Empty words I miss her so much

  2. Christa, I’m so sorry about the death of your mom. You express such a beautiful picture of how close you were. The agony is real. The cool thing about God is that He can handle your questions, your pain, and your fears. He can also hold you, and comfort you in ways you can’t imagine. Each day you will be able to look back and see that you’ve made it further. I know I didn’t want to say that I made it further. It is different, it is new, but just like you walked with your mama, you can walk forward to bless others with the beautiful kind of love you shared with her. God gave you that kind of love for her and what an opportunity, in the right time, you will have to share that with others. Let yourself grieve and mourn. Ask God to surround you with the right people for those moments you need the deep and special comfort. He will.

  3. Kay says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, a great loss. I too, know how you feel. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago. I was ANGRY, MAD, HURT, asking WHY a million times. I took a very long time to woller in my grief. I say woller because I did just that. I rolled in it, covered myself in it, hid away in it for over a year. I took it to new depths that I didn’t know existed. My mom was the happiest, most loving, kind person you would ever meet. ( as all moms are) Then one day I read about living their legacy. And it changed me. I had a new purpose in life. And slowly, I began to start living again, FOR HER. My heart began to open up, to feel, to love. I’m not saying it was easy, but she was with me every step of the way. We talked a lot. Still do, daily. I miss her soooo much. It still hurts, it always will. But we learn to live with that pain. A gentle reminder of the love we have in our hearts for them. If you’re a believer, or want to be, PRAY, everyday, nonstop, even if you feel like nothing is changing, pray. I hope this helps you in your grieving process. Find support, a friend with listening ears, journal your thought. Then in time, go back & read what you wrote and you will see the progress you’ve made. ~ With a loving heart to a hurting heart, ~ Take care of you 🧡

  4. Kristi Dierking says:

    I just lost my mom a month ago. She too, was my very best friend! The best of the best! Loved people & animals & they all loved her. You have all put the feelings I’m having, but can’t seem to express, into meaningful words. I can completely relate!

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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