Turning an Ex Into Something Extraordinary: A Message to my Ex-husband’s Family

July 20, 2019
This piece was written for Indianapolis Moms Blog. It was originally published on August 26, 2018.

Divorce is awful. It’s not something people plan for or wish to endure. It’s a circumstance that involves broken dreams, heartache, and severed relationships. Divorce is the ending of a marriage but it dissolves more relationships than husband and wife. 

In divorce, what happens to the “In-Laws” and the relatives you gain in marriage? Do you lose those too? I can’t speak for everyone, but I can tell you that what happened with mine.

I was married before, to a man that needed rescued and saved. I realized in that marriage that I’m no lifeguard. I’m not Superwoman and I have no special powers. At the end of the day, the only people I could rescue were myself and my beautiful children, and I did just that. I divorced and began to heal and move on. My children and I became the Three Musketeers.

I eventually went on to meet the man of my dreams. This amazing man was our missing piece and the father and husband we all deserved and prayed for. He was everything we hoped for and everything we dreamed of. Even better we added a beautiful baby boy to the equation and soon the Three Musketeers turned into a precious family of five.

My family and I are lucky. We get to experience the happiness of our present and future blend with the love and history from our past. We have individuals who welcome our precious family into their house as if all of us are meant to be there. They love without resentment. They simply show up and love us in all that we are, and all that we’ve become. Their love is selfless. It may be complicated, but it is pure.

Through the change and transition, my ex-husband’s family grew to love and welcome us, all 5 of us. What a blessing. It didn’t come immediately. It came in its own time and turned into something that will benefit my children more than they’ll ever know. Honestly, I think it will benefit all of us. We’re all learning a new love and new path. The path may not have been the one all of us envisioned, but it’s definitely the one that we’re meant to be on.

To my Ex-Husband’s Family, I say:

You are beautiful souls. You’ve always loved my children. What you didn’t have to do is continue loving me. Even more so, you didn’t have to love my new husband and my new child. But you do. You welcome us into your lives, into your homes, and into your hearts willingly. You have taken an unfortunate circumstance and turned it into a situation that is more beautiful than I could have dreamed.

We laugh, share stories, celebrate, and ultimately learn to navigate this new path together. Your decision to be open-minded, kind-hearted and compassionate has blessed our lives more than we could ever put into words. The memories our children are experiencing from this new relationship are indescribable and so incredibly special.

The first time you welcomed all of us into your homes I watched, mesmerized, as my new husband stood next to your family enjoying each other’s company. It was a simple moment, but it was beautiful and took my breath away. Since then, we’ve enjoyed several of these one-of-a-kind visits and each time I leave feeling so blessed for this unique opportunity. Thank you for creating a blended family full of love and new adventures. You are all appreciated more than you know. We love you.

You see, friends, there is so much beauty in the mess that life creates. You just have to look for it. Divorce might be the catastrophe that shatters your world into pieces, but the miracle is taking those pieces and building something new, something beautiful and something better than you ever expected.

To all of you with some type of blended, unique, and one-of-a-kind family, you are beautiful. You created something imperfectly perfect, and it is yours. Celebrate and embrace the beauty in that creation, we are and it has changed us all for the better.

xox, Chels

This piece was originally published on Indianapolis Moms Blog. Find the original piece HERE.

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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