When They Don’t Get to ‘Ring the Bell’

As I scroll Facebook I’m constantly drawn to the emotional posts and videos. 

You know the ones I’m talking about, the posts that even before you click, you know there will be tears and a twinkle in your heart. The kind of posts that make you feel, effortlessly and intensely. 

Today I’m drawn to a video that shows an older woman in a wheelchair. She’s wearing a scarf around her shaved head and is delicately holding the hands of her children. The caption reads, “Ringing the bell. She’s finished with chemo and cancer!”

Tears form and quickly I’m crying. I’m crying tears of joy for this sweet family, but also, I’m crying tears of sorrow too. You see, my mother never got to ring the bell. She never got to be finished with cancer or chemo. 

There was no bell ringing. There was no celebration. 

She never got to ring the bell. 

Instead, she died from a ravenous cancer that overwhelmed her body.

She’s not unique in this loss. There are so many others that never got the opportunity to ring the bell either. So many others that never got to celebrate the end of cancer’s hell. So many others that know the catastrophe and destruction from a six-letter-word; cancer. 

There was no bell ringing for us. There was no celebration. 

Instead, there were final goodbyes and final moments. 

Instead of ringing a bell, there was funeral planning. 

Instead of ringing a bell, there was a casket to choose.

Instead of ringing a bell, there was a plot to pick and a new location for visits. 

Instead of bell ringing, there was a eulogy, obituary, and a constant flow of tears. 

I hate that not everyone gets to ring a bell and celebrate the win over cancer’s destruction. I hate that not everyone gets to experience healing and continued living. I hate that the pain of cancer doesn’t end with the life it stole, for it’s influence gets sprinkled into the lives of those that remain. I hate cancer fiercely and the destruction that looms behind it’s finality and stealing of a life. 

My mom never got to ring a bell. She never got to be finished with cancer or chemo. There was no celebration, only a heartbreaking goodbye. 

The reality is that sometimes there is no bell ringing. Sometimes instead, there is a loss. A significant, crippling, devastating loss. 

Sending love to those that never got to watch their loved one ‘ring the bell’. You are not alone. 

xox, Chels