Writing on Grief & Hard Things

The other day a friend text me and jokingly said: “Are you trying to depress everyone or get a book deal?” I laughed at my sarcastic and witty friend. My friends have jokes. But the truth is, his statement got me thinking about the content of my writing. Often times, I write about the grief I’ve encountered since losing my mother. Nearly all of my friends still have both of their parents and most still have their grandparents. The reality is: I lost my mother and that fact IS depressing, and it just so happens that sometimes I write about it.

I didn’t plan or intend to be a grief writer, but here I sit, yet again, writing about grief. This is my journey. I didn’t choose it, and I’d give anything to have found my passion through a happier situation, but this is my reality. It’s real. It’s authentic. It’s raw. Because of all of those things, it’s probably a little uncomfortable for those who haven’t experienced a huge loss yet.

So, why do I write? Why do I choose to write about heartbreaking moments in my life? (For the record, I write about the hopeful and happy times too.) Why do I write during times where I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out? Am I trying to depress people? Absolutely not.

I write because my mom asked me to. I write to honor her.

I write because in my deepest sadness, I know someone out there is feeling the exact same pain, and just maybe they need to read my words and the sorrow in my soul.

I write, saddened by the reality that others share my pain, but hopeful that my experience and words will inspire them and help them somehow, someway.

I write because when I’m in my darkest place, releasing my thoughts and feelings onto a computer screen becomes therapeutic. Writing becomes the best therapist, and even better, it’s one that I never had to pay for.

I write because I want to help others. I want to offer hope. I want to offer support and encouragement. I want to offer a smile, even if it’s through some tears first.

I write to offer words for those that might not have their own. I write to offer words for people who are speechless in emotion, but need and want to be heard.

I will continue to write in the hopeful times, the happy times, and also the harsh times. Even when it is hard. Even when it is depressing. I will continue to be real, to be raw, and to be vulnerable. Because, sometimes a reader doesn’t want to hear about my amazing kid and her honor roll report card (True Story). Sometimes, they need to hear that I lost my mother, and I’m still able to breathe. They need to hear that I lost my mother, but I’m still able to find joy in my day. They need to hear that I lost my mother, and it changed me. It rocked me to my core and it broke me. But then, it inspired me.

My grief inspired me to write. If you sit in your grief long enough, it can inspire you too. Wait for it, one day your grief will spark something inside your soul. When it does, listen.  

I’m not looking to depress you. I’m not looking for a book deal, although that would be amazing. I’m looking for the person who will read my work and think, “She just put into words what my heart is feeling.”

You see, life is messy, and beautiful, and heartbreaking, and filled with so much joy…and I will write about it all.

xox, Chels