You may not be ready, and that’s ok.
Life after a significant loss looks and feels different. You may not be ready to step back into the life you once knew, and that’s ok.
I remember the first time I tried to step back into mine. It didn’t work. I wasn’t ready.
A couple of weeks after my mother passed my husband tried to lift my spirits and create a special day for the two of us. A day to laugh, to relax, and to feel something other than overwhelming ache.
It was summer in the Midwest and a day with gorgeous weather. Not a cloud in the sky and the sun shined so bright it was almost blinding. We grabbed a quick lunch and headed to an outdoor sporting event. Something we’d always found fun and enjoyable.
Except this time, things were different. I was different. On the outside I looked the same, but my insides had been jumbled, rearranged, and torn apart.
We were only a few steps into the stadium when the swirl of overwhelming confusion hit me. I stood there looking at thousands of people laughing and cheering and carrying on. People walked by chanting loudly and excited for the home team to take the field. People drinking and joking and charismatic. People living, joyfully and carefree.
I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes and without a word my husband understood. He knew the brokenness behind the dark lenses. We quickly found our seats. As I sat down, I let the tears fall, effortlessly, and free. The world was still moving and I wasn’t ready to be back on the ride.
I simply was not ready. I desperately wanted to be, but for me, it just wasn’t time yet.
You may find yourself in a similar situation. Willing to try and reenter the world, and fun, and adventure, and maybe you’ll be ready. And maybe you won’t. And it’s ok.
One day you will.
One day you’ll find yourself laughing with others instead of watching in confusion.
One day you’ll find yourself having fun again instead of sitting on the sidelines.
One day you’ll venture back out and find your place again.
One day.
Maybe not now, but soon.
Maybe not now, but eventually.
And that’s ok.
