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October 12, 2020

The Deep Anxiety of Grief: It’s Complicated

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Especially thinking of my followers overseas who c

Especially thinking of my followers overseas who celebrate Mother’s Day today. 💗
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss
#mothersday #motheringsunday

It’s 10am and I hear my husbands phone ring. Bef

It’s 10am and I hear my husbands phone ring. Before he picks up, I already know who is on the other end. His father calls often, but today, on this day, he never forgets.

It’s not my husband’s birthday.
It’s not a holiday.
It’s a day that has marked longing and ache for the past 15 years— the day his mother died.

Every year on this day my father-in-law intentionally calls to check in, to ask how my husband is doing and see if he needs anything. When my husband feels like talking, they talk. And on years he feels quiet and less engaged, they make it short and simple. Either way, it’s a display of solidarity and a comfort my husband appreciates.

He always knows that call is coming. He knows his father will show up for him on this day marked by mourning and loss. He knows that they’ll never forget this day and what it signifies. After all, it’s carved into stone with his mother’s name.

Today they talk as I’m cuddled up next to him. I’m awe of his strength and resiliency. The many years of holding grief have built a man with grit, patience, and the ability to enjoy and appreciate life. He’d probably tell you that grief has been one of his greatest burdens and also one of his greatest gifts.

In the harshest of ways it showed him the fragility of life. It taught him how to stay present in the moment and find the life he dreamed of instead of the easy one laid out in front of him.

It taught him vulnerability.
It taught him empathy.
And more than anything it taught him the intensity of losing a mother.

He misses her. They all do.
He always has a space where someone is missing. They all do.
And so, the phone rings every year on this day, no matter what— always.

It’s his father’s way of showing up, no matter how many years have passed.
It’s a simple and priceless act of love.

It’s a call that says, “I know what this date signifies. I know the weight that it brings. I know the name and influence on your mind today in a way of longing instead of joy. And I am here for you, in the remembrance and the pain. I love you and I’m here.”

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS…💗

💚 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💚
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

…while the rest of the world just kept moving al

…while the rest of the world just kept moving along…
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

Through tears she asks, “Does the pain ever go a

Through tears she asks, “Does the pain ever go away?” She misses her mother and I also know the unique and powerful void. I wish I could tell her it does, but that isn’t the truth. I wish I could ease her pain and comfort her heart, but I know those are impossible tasks.

I hug her tightly without saying a word. In time I’ll respond, but first she needs this– silence and an intentional embrace. She needs to know that I’ll sit with her in her brokenness and not demand it be fixed or tucked away. She needs to know that her new companion, grief, is just as welcome as she is and will always be.

Softly, I say: “I wish I could tell you the pain diminishes or that it fades with time, but the truth is that the pain stays, just like the longing. Eventually, it gets easier to bear and less tender to the touch. It becomes less open and raw and with time heals like a scar, the kind you hold forever.”

I gently rub her hand and continue, “I hate that you now know this pain and this loss. I hate that you hold the incomprehensible ache that comes with losing someone irreplaceable. I wish I could help you. I wish I could lessen your heartbreak and ease the whirlwind that is sure to be happening within your soul, a storm no one can see.”

“When the world makes you feel like you need to pretend you’re stronger than you are, braver than you are, more resilient than you are, or further along in your healing than you actually are, know that I never will. Your grief and pain are just as welcome as your happiness and your wholeness. With me, you never have to tuck away your heart and soul’s most authentic and vulnerable pieces. They’re welcome, always.”

“I will never lie to you about the endless aspects of grief. I’ll never be untruthful about the unpredictability of loss and the chaos that finds you no matter how much time has passed. You will only heal when you understand the raw truth of the future ahead of you. One day you’ll smile again, but it will feel foreign and clouded by guilt. One day you’ll feel joy and happiness again but I can’t tell you when, for the timelines are yours and yours alone.”
CONTINUES IN COMMENTS…

💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #normalizegrief #grieftruth #loss

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