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She Laid There Dying

Another Birthday Without Her: A Letter to my Mother on my Birthday

November 8, 2018

An Empty Seat at the Table

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💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss

💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss

I don’t want my grief and my broken heart to be

I don’t want my grief and my broken heart to be the loudest thing about me. I don’t want to be known by the loss I’ve experienced or the pain that I now carry.

I don’t want to be known as the girl whose mother is dead, a girl who is mere pieces of who she used to be. I don’t want my sadness or my sorrow to be the first thing people notice or know about me.

I am more than my grief.
I am more than my brokenness.

I don’t want to be known for the parts of me that no longer exist. I don’t want the hole in my heart and the ache in my soul to be the loudest thing about me.

I don’t want to be known for just my past and the titles I no longer carry. I don’t want people to look into my eyes and see only darkness and faded purpose.

I am more than my pain.
I am more than my past.

I don’t want others to think I’ve only been sculpted out of loss, death and devastation. I want them to see I’ve been sculpted by love too. I don’t want people to see only the destruction but also that I’m in a place of discovery for what is to come. I don’t want people to misunderstand my silence for depression or my loudness for madness.

I am more than my emotions.
I am someone’s legacy.

One day I want to walk into a room and be known for what I am in this moment. I want to be known for the version of me that stands today– the changed version. The one that’s standing with shaking legs and unsteady breaths, but one that’s still standing.

I am more than my grief.
You are too.
Never forget that.

xox, Chels

© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss

💙 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💙
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss

My husband holds me as I sob and repeat, “It’s

My husband holds me as I sob and repeat, “It’s the ‘never again’. Never ever ever again.” It’s an unexpected wave of grief that has once again knocked me down. Lucky for me, this time he was here to help catch me and my broken heart. I’m barely understandable as I cry and let my grief do the talking.

“I thought I was doing ok. I really did. But I need her. I really really need her for all of this. How is it that I’ll never get to ask for her advice again…or have her here to listen to me…or hug her or call her or hear her say my name…How am I supposed to keep doing this life without her when I need her?” He continues holding me, saying nothing. He knows my grief needs held, not words. I’m so thankful for him.

I continue bawling as I say, “I just need my mom. I need her. I keep needing her. And I will forever. I just need my mom.”

I fall onto the bed and let the pain and frustration and incomprehensible reality of grief wash over me. I’ve learned there is no benefit to fighting it. I cry until my eyes are puffy and my breath is irregular. I sink into my husband's arms as he rubs my back and hand, the way my mother used to. He doesn’t realize this is both so immensely comforting and also immensely agonizing, as it reminds me of things my mother is no longer able to do for me.

I hate that I’m once again broken by loss and grief. For years I’ve worked hard to comprehend my grief and it’s hold on my life and emotions. I hate that I’ve spiraled back to the harshness of this journey. It’s not the first time this has happened but when these big storms of grief come, they always knock me down and demand me to rebuild again. The little waves I’m used to, always able to swim back to shore. But these, they’re the ones that I’ve never quite learned to conquer.

It’s the times where I desperately need my mother. It’s not the everyday things when I need her too, but the big things. The life-changing things. The earth-shattering things. The unplanned things. The chaostrophic things that make you need your mother in ways you’ve never needed her before.

The surgerys.
The health challenges.
The..CONTINUED IN COMMENTS…

💜 © Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealit

💜
© Chelsea Ohlemiller: www.hopeandharshrealities.com (link in bio) Follow Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities on FB for more content.
#grief #griefquotes #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #motherlessdaughter #motherlessdaughters #losingamother #loss

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