I miss her.
I always do, but this is different. It’s a longing deeper than most days. It’s an ache that has seemed to reach new places.
The chaos and the unknown of the world have transformed my grief. It’s changed the perspective and reality of living a life with a mother who has passed.
It’s noticing all of the people missing their loved ones. It’s realizing when they are finally reunited, I won’t have that same opportunity.
Gone for now, is not the same as gone for good. Missing for awhile, isn’t the same as missing forever.
Years into my grief journey I’m still surprised by the new emotion that exposes pieces of my heart. Leaving them as open and raw as the day she left, the day she died.
New experiences, new life events, new unknowns, and new worries make me miss her in ways that are fierce and mighty. A unique heartbreak for those of us that have lost someone irreplaceable. Someone like a mother.
A unique emptiness of the motherless.
I miss her. It’s nothing new. I miss her every day, but today I miss her differently. I miss her more intensely than the day before.
I miss her. I always will, but the isolation of the world has somehow solidified her absence in new ways and my heart can feel the shift.
Grief is challenging and uncomfortable and empty. It’s a love kept alive through memories and the ache of an endless absence.
It’s gone for good.
It’s missing forever.
Permanent like the ache in my soul and the emptiness that occupies my heart. And all of it, makes me miss her.
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.