I thought you should know how different things are now that you’re gone. How the holidays have a little less shine and a lot less magic. How the days seem to always be missing something– something that cannot be replaced, you.
I thought you should know that losing you feels like losing an actual piece of my body, like pieces of my heart and soul have been chiseled out, leaving holes that nothing can fill. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and something that I wasn’t prepared for.
I thought you should know that I’m trying my best. Trying to keep old traditions and make new ones. Trying to restore pieces of the things that made everything so joyous and one-of-a-kind, which feels like an impossible task. Trying to ensure that you’re not forgotten and that people keep saying your name. Trying so desperately to recreate the way things felt so special.
I thought you should know that I talk to you often in hopes that you can hear me. I look for signs every place I go to remind me that you’re still here in some capacity. I search for you in each new day and probably always will. And sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I’ll see a touch of you in the face of a stranger or in the compassion of someone I pass by.
I thought you should know the magnitude of your influence. It’s what guides each one of us daily– dreaming bigger, living bolder and loving unconditionally. It’s the light that leads us to continued living and more intentional purpose. It’s the momentum that reminds us of what we are and what we could be— both ourselves and also pieces of you.
I thought you should know that we’re all taking care of each other the way we promised we would. We have a bond that holds us together like glue, built upon the collaboration of love, loss and resiliency. We support one another the way you used to support us, with compassion and selflessness, even when it’s hard. We stick together, through it all, the way you taught us too.
I thought you should know, you made everything better in the most beautiful and priceless ways.
You made the world feel safer.
You made the hard times feel survivable.
You made the celebratory moments unforgettable.
You made us feel like the luckiest people in the universe.
I thought you should know you’re loved beyond computation.
You’re missed beyond measure.
You’re remembered infinitely, always and forever.
I thought you should know, you remain our everything.
To the moon and back, to eternity and beyond, to wherever you are…I just thought you should know.
