Will I Cry Forever?

June 27, 2022

She writes and asks, “When will I stop crying? Will I cry forever?” Immediately I wish I could respond with the answer she’s looking for, the one that she’s hoping I’ll provide. The one that would say, “Of course you’ll stop crying. Of course you won’t cry forever.” But those statements would be lies. They would hold zero truth and would be completely inaccurate of the aftermath of life after losing someone you love. 

Instead I prepare myself for the truth I’m about to deliver to a tender heart. A soul that is damaged and ridden with the same holes as mine, the ones that develop when you lose a parent, and for us it is our mothers.

I reply by saying, “I wish I had the answer that I know your heart is seeking, instead I’ll offer brutal truth wrapped with delicate love. You will stop crying, but not forever. Eventually, you’ll cry again. Sometimes often and uncontrollable. Sometimes unpredictable and overwhelming. Sometimes loud and obnoxious. Sometimes completely silent and still. Either way, you’ll continue to cry.” 

“Some days you’ll cry harder and more violently than others. Sometimes you’ll cry with a smile and a laugh. But you should know, tears shouldn’t be avoided. They aren’t terrible or awful things. They are proof of love. They are visual representations of things you miss and things you adore. They are proof of your ability to feel, even when that feeling is heartbreak and pain.”

“Ridding your path of tears means removing the emotions and feelings too. Tears are just as important as smiles or laughs. They are symptoms of great love and great influence. Tears are just as critical to our healing as rain is to nourish the earth. They hold value and purpose too. While at first they are created by hurt and longing, by heartbreak and pain, eventually they become crafted by memories and reminiscence. The tears and the crying never fades completely or clears from your path, but rather, they shift their power and their purpose.”

“First they are tears of complete despair.

Then of confusion.

Then of denial.

Then of anger.

Then of heartbreak.

Then of hope.

And eventually of reminiscence.

And of infinite love.

And ultimately, because of something and someone unforgettable. 

You cry because you care, friend. And you’ll always care. At least that’s the hope, isn’t it?”

xox, Chels

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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