A Dad Designed for You

March 27, 2019

Sweet boy, one day I will have to explain that “daddy” isn’t the man who helped create you. I’ll have to explain that although he is the only dad you’ve ever known, he doesn’t share your genetic makeup. It’s a conversation I dread. It is uncharted territory. I feel unequipped. I’m not even sure the facts of how you were created matter in the grand scheme of things. You see, you have a dad that was designed just for you. He’s a dad you deserve. He’s a dad that CHOSE you. He’s a dad who met you and knew he had to do everything in his power to call you his own. A dad who gave you his last name and all the dedication in his heart and soul.

But one day I’ll have to explain the logistics of it all. I’ll have to explain that I married someone that wasn’t what I thought. A man that needed more than I could give him. I’ll have to explain that he vanished. He walked away. He disappeared into a world we refused to be apart of. Since then, we’ve never seen him or spoken to him. But he exists, and he was part of the journey, so he must be explained. You deserve to know the story.

I wish I didn’t have to tell you this story. It will fill your mind with thoughts of someone in your life not being there for you, not loving you, not supporting you. Up until this point, you’ve never had to experience those feelings. I’d do anything to ensure that you don’t have to. So how do I explain that by one man walking away, it left the door open for the biggest blessing to walk into our lives? A man who is better than any other man we’ve ever met.

How do I shield you from the pain of your past? A pain you’ll never know unless I explain it to you. How do I shield you from a situation that had nothing to do with you? How do I ensure that you never feel an ounce of pain because of something you had no control over? How do I fill you up with so much love that you don’t notice the logistics of your genetic makeup?

All I can do is pray that the moments in your little life have filled your heart with so much love and happiness that it can’t be torn apart by the composition of your DNA. You don’t share genes with your dad, but you’ve shared your heart, your laughs, your moments, your milestones and your life. That means more than any genetic match. Always remember that.

I’m going to tell you the story one day because you should know the beautiful path that led us to where we are. You should know that while our journey isn’t typical or standard, it’s imperfectly perfect and created a family so rich in love that I couldn’t imagine it any different. One day I will tell you the story of you, but for now, for a little longer, I will keep this secret.

For now, I will let you be little. One day I’ll explain it all. When that day comes, I hope you see beauty and not pain. I hope you look over at your superhero dad and decide that how you were made doesn’t matter because you have a one-of-a-kind dad that was designed just for you.

xox, Chels

6 comments so far.

6 responses to “A Dad Designed for You”

  1. Connie says:

    Girlfriend – heartstrings! This post is everything. I wonder if my mother felt the same way while raising me. My dad did the same, left and never looked back. I became more interested in learning more about him when I turned 11/12 because “I want a dad like everyone else.” The reality is though, when you have this conversation with him, when you are ready, when he is ready – don’t hold anything back. Be utterly, brashly open and honest. Be strong in that your emotions will carry a lot of the way he perceives himself, the relationship that wasn’t, and the relationships that are. I have a cousin who at 2 years of age, became the daughter of one of the BEST FATHERS I know today. It was definitely a hard conversation for her as she got older but that was because her mom withheld information from her, left it a mystery, and didn’t allow my cousin to process how she felt in her own way. I’m so proud of you.

    This post was everything. Thank you for writing. For telling your stories. So beautiful.

  2. Tough spot to be in. Are you ready for if he asks questions? I think how you have it phrased above is a good start. Yes, he should know. However, he’s still little. Continue with that safe loving environment.

    When P asks about mom and dad not being together I say, someday when you’re older we will chat about why. We’ve agreed on 19 based on his suggestion.

  3. Hallie Cragun says:

    Chelsea, I just love this!! You write from your heart and it touches everyone’s heart who take the time to read. Right now what a success story! You have become strong and your story is strong and heartfelt. I’m so thrilled you and Justin found each other and now you are living a well-deserved life full of what we all desire. Your children too are so blessed and when that day comes when it’ll be time to divulge, it’s going to be A-okay. The main thing is you are building that strong family full of so much love and support for your family. Everything is going to be just fine; you can’t go wrong; you are blessed beyond measure because you are loved and are grateful. Love you, Chelsea!!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Hallie, you are so incredibly kind!! Thank you for always supporting me and my writing. I appreciate it so much. xox, Chels

  4. Sue hansell says:

    Chelsea, I read your article. He is getting to an age where, hopefully, someone else does not tell him. I wish you much love and understanding when you do tell him. Your kids are so lucky to have a loving dad. Your kids are such good looking guys and girl.
    I hope that he can understand and just let the past be gone and go on living the loving parents and siblings he has.
    Wish your husband a happy Father’s Day for me.

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Thank you so much, Sue! I appreciate your sweet comments and also your continued support! xox, Chels

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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