Looking After You

August 17, 2022

She’s seated on the ground in front of a stone that is decorated with my name. She’s crying, just like she usually does when she visits this place. She’s sharing her stories with me, both the good and the bad. She doesn’t know I’ve witnessed all the things she’s telling me about. How could she? 

She’s telling me how desperately she wishes I were there with her and how she hates that I’m gone. She doesn’t know that I’m here, just as I promised. How could she? Every time she feels my presence and an undeniable sign of my love, she tucks it away as coincidence.

As her tears fall, she tells me how much she misses me, and though she can’t hear me, I say:

“I’m here, you simply cannot see. I’m here, looking after you and listening from afar. You are never alone. I’m still looking after you.”

Even crying she’s beautiful. Even from eternity I’m still blown away by the woman that she is. I wish she knew how I saw her and the way I still see her that same way from here. 

Even though she can’t hear me, I say:

“I’m here, looking at you with enough pride to light the sky. I’m here, watching you and all the ways you make me proud. You’re incredible. I’m here, always, looking after you.”

She looks around like she’s waiting for someone. I know she’s searching for me the way she does with each new day and each new visit. She’s constantly searching for me and every single time I wish she knew, even though my heart stopped and my breath left my body, I’ve never left her. 

Even though she can’t hear me, I say:

“Stop searching. You’ll never find me in the capacity that you’re looking for. I’m different now but still loving you the same, if not even more, from afar. Stop searching, my darling. I’m here, looking after you. I always am.”

The entire time she visits, I watch her carefully, as always. I listen intently, as always.

And even though she can’t hear me, I say:

“I look after you, always…

From heaven.

From eternity.

From afar.

From anywhere.

I’ll look after you, from up here, until we’re reunited. 

I’ll look after you, always and forever.”

Eventually she’ll wipe her tears and stand to leave, instinctively looking back one last time like she always does, and even though she can’t see me, I’m there. Always there, looking after her.

xox, Chels

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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