As I soak in my grief, I distinctly hear my mother’s sweet voice. It’s a whisper, and can’t be real, for she’s been gone for years.
As I find myself stuck in grief, consumed by it, I hear her voice again. This time it’s precise and intentional. A loving sigh that says, “don’t erase me.” The words punch me in the gut with a fierce reality shift. Don’t erase me? What does she mean? I’ll love her forever. Nothing could replace her significance or worth. Nothing could erase her. Nothing.
Another day comes. More longing, more ache, and more of grief’s debilitating consequence. As the breeze blows, my arm hairs find themselves just as raised as my senses. As the sun soaks my face, it’s there again, my mother’s voice. A soft and twinkling, “Do not erase me.”
And it confuses me. And it aches. And it’s as if some kind of knowing has found my heart and inspired my soul.
It’s fading now, but still there, lingering. A light and dissipating “Don’t erase me.”
And finally, I understand. She’s here reminding me to live.
To let her love and legacy be extending through me. Through the beautiful and priceless life she started for me. Through the life that hurts, but still holds immense blessings and unique purpose.
Do. Not. Erase. Me.
By pausing life, I was erasing just as much of her goodness as my own. In waiting for my life to continue and make sense, I paused her legacy and her life’s story too.
For her to stay, and be visible, it must be through me. Through us, her family. She’s entrusted us with the task of not erasing her, and all we have to do to honor that is to keep living.
So today, I step forward, living, to ensure she’s never erased nor forgotten. Can you be courageous and do the same?
A thirty-something wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.