“It’s Time”

September 28, 2023

She keeps repeating “It’s time” as if a turkey is ready to be taken out of the oven. As if this is an ordinary day or an ordinary occurrence. It’s not. My sister and I keep looking at each other, confused and heartbroken. The only words our mother has muttered in the last day seem to be these– variations of “I think it’s time”.

In a matter of days she’s gone from looking like herself to lying on her deathbed, aged and nearly unrecognizable. It hurts to think of how harsh the past 24 hours have been. Changes so sudden and catastrophic they are literally stealing our mother’s breath and heartbeat. 

She is dying. Our mother is dying.

And even with her poignant calls that “It’s time”, it doesn’t feel like it is. Maybe because we desperately don’t want it to be. But she’s right, soon it will be time. 

We’re avoiding the truths of our situation– that we will lose our mother, that these are our mother’s final living days. We’re a mixture of denial and hopeless faith in a miracle we know isn’t coming. 

“It’s time.”–words that feel like goodbye. Words that signify an ending that we aren’t ready for. Words that we wonder if she understands the impact of, crushing our hearts into pieces. 

Eventually she would no longer proclaim that it’s time. Eventually, she would be silent and breathless. Eventually, she would be right. 

It was time.

To say goodbye. To mourn. 

To be filled with anger of a life gone too soon. 

To be filled with disbelief and the horror of those final minutes. 

To be filled with the knowing of what death looks like. 

To be filled with grief and a mother’s legacy.

We didn’t want to believe it. We didn’t want it to be true. But it was time. She was right. 

Time for our final goodbye. Time for her transition to eternity. 

Mom was right. She always was. 

It was time…

xox, Chels

1 comments so far.

One response to ““It’s Time””

  1. Vikki Cameron says:

    The miracle IS coming! It’s just not the one you’re hoping for. Join in the miracle of total restoration to vibrant life.

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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