If They Only Knew…

March 3, 2021

If they only knew grief can’t be healed or overcome, but rather learned to be carried lighter and with better handling.

If they only knew how different things are now. How I’ve been completely transformed in both heartbreaking and purposeful ways. 

If they only knew that she sometimes leaves my mind, but she never leaves my heart. 

If they only knew that I need grace and patience and compassion. I’ve never been here before, in this space of longing and emptiness. 

If they only knew that losing someone you love, someone significant, changes everything. Every single thing.

If they only knew that life feels different. Relationships feel different. Living feels different. Different and unfair and harsh. 

If they only knew that she’s the one gone, but pieces of me are gone too. I have holes where love and influence used to be. Holes that cannot be filled. 

If they only knew that I’m trying, really trying, to live again. That I’m desperately seeking hope and light as darkness and despair work diligently to coat my heart. I’m trying to comprehend this new journey. I’m trying, even if it doesn’t look like it. 

If they only knew that this experience is delicate and unique. It doesn’t look or feel the same for anyone. It’s as distinctive as a fingerprint and as individual as a snowflake. 

If they only knew that grief has shattered me with heartbreak, anger, and sorrow. But it has also given me deep appreciation for life, endless gratitude for love, and overwhelming empathy. 

If they only knew grief is my new and constant companion. I need them to accept us both, love us both and invite us both because we journey together now. 

If they only knew grief gives you pain and purpose. It gives you the ability to feel contradictory emotions simultaneously, forever. It gives you perspective and most importantly it gifts you the legacy of someone unforgettable. 

xox, Chels 

11 comments so far.

11 responses to “If They Only Knew…”

  1. Becky Lake says:

    I would like to purchase this PLEASE

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Hi Becky! I’m unsure what your comment is referring to. Are you asking to purchase my book? I wish I could tell you I have one to purchase, it’s a huge goal of mine, but for now my work is solidly online via my blog and Facebook page. I’ve got big goals for 2021, so hopefully soon this will be a different story!
      xox, Chels

  2. Becky Lake says:

    Thanks for answering..my best friend lost her teenage granddaughter 2 years ago this month and your reading “if they only knew” is an absolute perfect expression of true heartfelt feelings of grief l have ever read. I wanted to buy a copy so l could frame it and give it to her. Hopefully you will in the future make your writing purchasable. You have a wonderful talent. Thank you.

  3. Becky Lake says:

    So thank you so much for your generosity! Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤ This is soo appreciated. Thank you again

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      You’re welcome, Becky! You should have the PDF in your email! Let me know if you have any problems opening it. Should be good to go. Have a great weekend. xox, Chels

  4. Veronica says:

    I just lost my mother in law, my very best friend, November 2nd. This puts into words so many of the emotions that I’m feeling. Thank you so much for sharing this. XO

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Veronica, thank you for reading my work and taking the time to comment. I’m lifting you in comfort and hope as you grieve the loss of your mother-in-law. xox, Chels

  5. Michelle Lemal says:

    I so love your writing! You’re so talented! I’d buy your books if ever one day you’d decide to write them! They’d become #1, (quite sure), best sellers! You should really consider. Take all your blogs & make a book of the beautiful words of comfort, encouragement, & healing. The world needs more of you! Any chance that I can receive a PDF for my friend who’s grieving terribly? I’d truly appreciate it & will always remember your kindness! Thank you so much, Becky! You’re so beautiful inside & out! Blessings, peace, & joy!

    • chelseaohlemiller says:

      Hi Michelle, I’m Chelsea, the writer of this piece and the creator of this website. Thank you so much for reading my work and writing such beautiful things. xox, Chels

  6. Courtney Hollins says:

    Thank you Chelsea for your words. They seem to express everything in such detail that we feel with our losses. Our first love, friend, companion, mentor, when they take their final rest we must continue on. I often wonder how I get through each day without my special Mommy.

    We have a family friends that have just lost their mother last week. I dread that they have to now live in our club of children that mothers have gone to rest.

    Thank you for for sharing all you do. Strangers across the world and our commonality let’s us know someone understands and hears us.

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A wife, mother and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is a sappy romantic, coffee junkie, book collector, and person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s sarcastic, full of jokes, full of tears, and enjoys writing most when life gets messy or complicated. In 2017, Chelsea's mother passed away. Through her grief journey, she decided to take her mother’s advice and share her writing with the world. One day she gained the courage to honor her mother's wishes and write. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made.

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