It Was Her Goodbye Too

It was time for the final goodbye. I wrapped my arms around her as her breathing slowed. I repeated “I love you” over and over until the words became a jumbled mess, slurred together through tears and devastation. A shared space of grief and letting go, we were losing her. 

A shared space of goodbyes. 

A shared space of heartbreak. 

A shared space of new and raw harsh realities. 

There were multiple goodbyes that day. 

Daughters saying goodbye to their mother, but also a mother saying goodbye to her daughters. Grandchildren saying goodbye to their grandmother, but also a grandmother saying goodbye to her grandchildren. The goodbye wasn’t ours alone. It was hers too. 

Multiple goodbyes, multiple losses. 

I’ve always looked at that moment as a daughter losing her mother, but it was also the day my mother let go and ventured to her eternity, losing us too. We stayed, she had to go. 

It was her goodbye too. 

I cried and wept and refused to let go. 

Never realizing, it was her goodbye too.

I begged for a miracle and clung to hope like my next breath depended on it.

Never realizing, it was her goodbye too. 

I told her I loved her and vowed to make her proud.

Never realizing, it was her goodbye too.  

I stayed until she slipped into her forever with silent goodbye wishes and love left to give. Never realizing it was her goodbye too. 

She couldn’t stay no matter how much our hearts demanded it. Goodbye wasn’t ours to choose, it was simply the next step placed in front of us. We would have delayed the finality of it all if we could, but we don’t hold that power. 

The goodbye wasn’t ours alone, it was hers too. 

Multiple goodbyes. Multiple losses. 

She said goodbye too. 

To life, to love, to a future, and to us. 

It was her goodbye too. 

In saying my final goodbye, I never realized it was her goodbye too. 

xox, Chels